Key looked back as he heard a familiar voice.
“sorry for what..?” Key asked as he step closer to Jinki.
“I didn’t mean what I say..” Jinki continued as he moved closer to Key.
Key stopped moving when he and Jinki was an inch away. He could feel the warm breathe coming from their leader. He blushed when he noticed Jinki closed his eyes and leaned closer. Their lips almost touching..
He smiled as he felt lips touching his.
Key opened his eyes. He quickly sat up roaming his gaze inside the room. It’s dark. Only the light coming from the window helped Key see that the others were already in bed. He slowly brought his finger in his lips.
“a dream..” he mumbled. Of course it was just a dream..it seemed real but I guess Jinki will not be like that to me..jealous..and kiss..
“impossible..” He smiled to himself hitting his forehead. When he was about to lie down he heard noise coming from the lower bunks. He looked down and saw Jinki moving beneath the blanket. He’s still awake..
He was to call him but was cut when he saw Jonghyun entering the room.
“Jonghyun..?” called out making the older member look up at him.
“still awake..” Jonghyun said with a smile as he climbed to his bed.
“just woke up..” Key replied.
“bad dream..” the other asked.
Bad dream..I’m not sure..He smiled when he remembered the dream.
“I guess not..with that smile I think you dreamt about him..” Jonghyun chuckled as he noticed Key’s pink cheeks. “blushing huh?”
“him..? what do you mean..” Key asked but failed to get an answer as he noticed Jonghyun’s closed eyes. him..
“this friday is your goodbye stage..only means one thing..vacation for you guys..” the manager
announced that morning.
“so it’s time to say goodbye to Juliette..” Jonghyun said with a frown. He looked at his other band mates and spotted Taemin’s faded smile. He noticed also the joy in the other three disappeared. Of course they’re happy..goodbye stage means rest for us..i’m just sad because Juliette is my first written song..
“but I think Juliette needs rest too..” Jonghyun smiled bringing smile also to others.
“ok..now practice room for your rehearsal..” the manager bid goodbye as the boys got up and prepared for their afternoon practice.
Inside the bedroom
“hyung..you’re not sad, right?” Jonghyun was surprised when he felt hands in his shoulder.
“of course not Taemin-ah..I’m happy that we’re having rest..and maybe new concept in our comeback..” Jonghyun slimed assuring the youngest that he’s fine.
“all of us think you’re sad but happy to see you’re not..” Taemin flashed a soft smile.
“thanks for worrying..” Jonghyun said as he ruffled Taemin’s hair making the youngest giggled.
“taemin-ah..Jonghyun..” it was Key calling them from the living room.
“Let’s go..” Jonghyun offered his hand to Taemin. The magnae smiled and reached for it.
Days passed and their goodbye stage was a success. They bowed as they say their farewell for the staffs and co-idol groups. They went straight to their dressing room. There are fans waiting for them to give their support and wish them happy vacation days.
“kamsahamnida..” they all bowed and entered their dressing room.
“woah..that’s tiring but fun..” Jonghyun blurted as he let himself fall in the couch.
“yeah it is..” Key agreed as he settled himself beside Jonghyun.
“ok..tomorrow is the start of your vacation..wanna know your plans..” the manger asked. “Key are you going home..?”
“hmm..not yet sure..parents are not in the country this time..” Key replied.
“going home tomorrow for my cousin’s birthday..” Minho said as he moved to sit beside Key. “key is coming with me, right?” and looked at Key.
“neh..” Key replied smiling.
“uhmm..don’t have any plan but maybe I’ll visit my parents this week..” Jinki answered.
“none..maybe stay at home..” Jonghyun replied looking at Taemin waiting for his answer.
“maybe I’ll go home tomorrow but be back the next day..” Taemin said putting his things inside his bag.
“ok then..next week I’ll meet you again..and tell you for your activities..now move..we’re heading home..” the manager commanded as he exited the room.
Tonight’s performance was tiring but really fulfilling. The way our fans supported us until our last performance erased all the tiredness I feel. After thanking and saying our goodbye to the staffs and fans we headed to our dressing room. As we walked towards the room, something caught my eyes. Minho and Key..they’re walking close to each other. Their hands are almost touching to each other. And they are laughing. I averted my eyes because I can feel my heart shrinking because of jealousy.
as I entered the room I quickly settled myself at the chair in front of the mirror. I looked at my reflection. I’m nothing compared to him. he’s good looking..charismatic..flaming charisma he’s really is..
I was brought back from my thoughts when I heard the manager’s voice calling me.
“uhmm..don’t have any plan but maybe I’ll visit my parents this week..” I answered back turning my body around to face them. But I regret my action. In the couch I saw Key and Minho sitting next to each other. Key’s head leaning into Minho’s shoulder. After seeing this, I, literally, heard my heart breaking. I turned away from the sight of them. I looked again myself in the mirror. He’s never gonna be mine.. and covered my face with hands.
“hyung..we’re leaving..” I heard Taemin’s voice at my back. I turned to face him and gave him a smile.
“ok..” I got up and picked up my bag. I looked at the door and saw Minho and Key talking and again Key’s laughing. I’m curious to what Minho is telling Key that makes him laugh and happy. I wish I can make you laugh..
“are you ok?” Taemin asked.
“yeah..just tired.” I replied giving my “Onew” smile. “let’s go..”
That smile again. his Onew smile..he’s not fine. I know it. I followed him as exited the room. He’s not fine for the reasons I can clearly see. He’s always staring into space. He’s always out of reality. He seems tired and weak. He’s even quiet this passes few days. All of these started that night when I confronted him about he’s mood when they arrived from their FBG recording. I knew it. something happened in that recoding and that I will investigate. I will not let Jinki hyung like this. I will look for the reason of his actions and depression. I will…
“I want to sit at the back” Key shrieked as he ran towards the van.
“No one’s gonna take your place so no need to run kid..” Jonghyun called out earning a glare from Key.
Key boarded the van first taking the back seat. He put his feet up stretching his body in the process. He grabbed the pillow and put it against the window.
“yah..princess you can’t take the whole back for yourself..” Jonghyun said as he entered the van. He seat in the middle seat. Taemin was next to him and smiled with the childish act of his hyung.
“can I sit here..?” Minho asked as he looked at key comfortably laying at the back seat.
“hmm?..hey..” Minho didn’t wait for an answer. He grabbed Key’s feet raise it up and settled himself at the back seat next to Key. He then put Key’s feet at his lap. Key eyed him but gained the trademark smile of the flaming charisma.
Jinki boarded last. He was about to step in but stopped when he saw the sight of Key and Minho at the back. he looked at how Minho massage Key’s legs. He saw how flushed Key’s face with eyes close.
“hyung..?” he was brought back by the magnae’s voice.
“I’ll seat infront..” Jinki then closed the door. He walked towards the front. He settled himself comfortably at the seat leaned his head against the window. When he felt the van moving he closed his eyes letting himself be drift to dreamland. Maybe there he can be closer to Key. He can also give Key a massage. Let Key sleep in his arms while singing him a lullaby. Maybe there Key will notice him. his love..maybe there.. Key loves Jinki not only Jinki loves Key.
again the uploader me posted this__she's getting fine now__still needs to undergo therapy__she's rest really helps and the gifs and pics and videos and your messages for her__message from her below..
Hey guys..I’ve read your comments in forever’s..thanks for your messages..don’t worry I’m fine..I think I can go home now but my parents told me to stay..aigoo..so bored here..missing my room..the internet..I already missed many videos..good thing shyne my friend downloaded some for me..and gosh the videos helped me to recover..so happy to see shine hello baby especially the first episode..also he copied all the fics..starting Sunday from morning to evening I read all the fics..all are awesome and gives me strength..hehehe..love the updates..yesterday shyne told me about thei88 onkey site..gosh with the gifs and pics he showed and downloaded I think I can run a mile despite my injury..hehehe..I’m excited to see it..thanks RInnI..I wrote replys to my last update..shyne will post it..so thanks for those who commented..
Ok..long time since I updated this..sorry for this..short..yeah..nothing interesting right? I know..sorry but I promised to do better next time..the truth is I can’t remember the story in my mind (I mean the story here)..hehehe..I lost it in my head..maybe because of the accident..ehehe..I hope this isn’t fail..if it is I understand and hope you understand..my brain is not yet working as it supposed to work..I was in rest for a long time..hahaha..ok..still hope you enjoy..
Loyal readers hope I didn’t lose you..
Silent readers give me strength..thank you..
- Current Location:hospital
- Current Mood: bored
- Current Music:star star star by snsd
The ride to the airport was quiet. Key decided to drive since Jinki is still out of his mind. He’s worried with his boyfriend’s attitude but tried his best to entertain him.
“yah..what do you think if we stop and have some coffee..it can calm you..” Key suggested.
Jinki looked at him and smiled.
They stopped in front of coffee shop just metres away from the airport. Key ran quickly out of the car and opened the door for Jinki. Jinki smiled as he reached for Key’s hand.
“you’re welcome, love”
They entered the shop gaining looks from the people inside. Noticing this, Key moved closer to Jinki and grabbed Jinki by his shoulder.
“look at them..envy with me having a handsome boyfriend..” Key whispered.
“nah..they are jealous me having a beautiful boyfriend..” Jinki looked at him showing his goofy smile.
Key chuckled. He felt relief seeing Jinki smiling and joking.
“I’m fine now..don’t worry..” Jinki assured Key. Jinki knew he’s making Key worried because of his actions. “you go find a seat..I’ll order…”
Key happily walked towards a seat near the window. Jinki moved to the counter and ordered coffee for him and hot chocolate for Key.
“thank you sir..”
Jinki walked to where Key is sitting. He is gazing outside a soft smile in his face. Jinki stopped in his track as he continued watching Key. He’s simply beautiful. How can someone be calm and beautiful like him…can’t imagine losing him again..I just can’t..If only I could keep him here to avoid it..but I just can’t..He waited for this day..his dream..I must do something..for him..
“aww..” Jinki was brought back to reality when he felt warmth in his clothes.
“I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to..” the lady panicked as she put out a tissue from his bag. “I’ll just buy you a new one..”
“Onew..what happened..” He heard Key calling for him. He then looked at his shirt. His shirt was stained with coffee..with his coffee..then memories came rushing to his mind…
He then walked out the travel bureau. He put the ticket in an envelope. He looked at his phone to check the time 3:15p. He put his phone back to his pocket when suddenly two guys riding a motorcycle throw him a cup of coffee staining his clothes.
“fuck shit..you idiots..”
“I didn’t mean it..it was an accident..I wasn’t looking and didn’t see him standing here..” the lady handed Key the tissue and let him cleaned Jinki.
“it’s ok..” Key said smiling at the lady.
“I’ll buy you a new one if you want..” the lady offered.
“NO..!” Jinki almost shouted.
“Onew..” Key said surprised with Jinki’s reply. Jinki looked at him with mixed worried and fear look. “I’m sorry but we need to go..” Key bowed as he apologized for Jinki’s action then pulled him out of the shop.
“what’s wrong with you..she’s being nice then you shouted on her..” Key said turning to face Jinki.
“I’m sorry..it is just..the coffee..stain..” Jinki stuttered earning a confused look from key.
“I can’t understand you..” Key said putting his hands On both side of Jinki’s shoulder.
Jinki looked at Key thinking if it’s better if he tell Key all about the dream. Maybe he will listen to me if he would know about the dream.
“nothing..let’s go..we can’t be late for our flight..” Jinki said walking towards the car leaving Key behind.
“our flight was cancelled..” Jinki announced.
“what..?!” Key almost spilling his drinks.
“but don’t worry..delayed only for 30 minutes..we can still be there before your graduation..” Jinki sat beside him taking the bottled juice in Key’s hand.
“thank God..” Key sighed.
“what are you doing?” Jinki asked Key.
“I’m trying to call Jong..he’s not answering his phone..” Key showed his phone. “I think he’s angry with me not telling him I’m going here..”
“maybe he’s busy..rehearsing..” Jinki leaned his head into Key’s shoulder.
“maybe..” Key put his phone back in his bag. He leaned to Jinki’s and closed his eyes.
“perfect, isn’t it?” Key said.
“huh?” Jinki pulled away.
“this..we together..do you think we can be like this forever?” Key asked not even glancing to Jinki.
Jinki looked at Key. It is seldom to see or hear him so serious like this. “yes..of course..I’ll do anything to make us forever..”
Key looked at him and smiled. “me too..”
“what are doing here?” Jonghyun startled when he heard a voice form his back.
“nah..just watching the sunset..” Jonghyun smiled as he saw Minho walking towards him.
“yeah..it is..” Jonghyun pulled his phone from his pocket. Five missed call form Key..
“you’re not answering it..why?” Minho said making Jonghyun surprised.
“you don’t know what the word privacy means..”
“of course I know I just accidentally saw it..” Minho grinned.
“so why are you not answering it..I know you’re so worried when you called at the office this morning..” Minho asked facing Jonghyun this time.
“I don’t have anything to tell him..I’m satisfied to know he’s fine..and he’s happy for sure..” Jonghyun leaned his back in the railings turning his back to the scene.
“how about you..you’re happy..?”
“c’mon..I know your feelings for him..” Minho teasingly said.
“c’mon tell me.” Minho looked back at the scene, serious tone this time.
“He’s happy and I’m happy with it..my feelings for him…will stay forever…key is for Jinki as that sun is for the sky…” Jonghyun faced Minho and smiled.
“so you’re giving up?” Minho asked.
“no..I’m just letting him be happy..” Jonghyun answered.
“how about you..your happiness?” Minho asked not taking his eyes from Jonghyun.
“I’m happy seeing him happy..”
“such a martyr..better you find someone else..you deserve it..to be loved..” Minho said making Jonghyun looked at him. Jonghyun couldn’t remember a time that he heard this tall boy talked so serious. Minho is always joking and hearing him this serious Jonghyun didn’t know how to react..
“I said look for someone else..doesn’t mean you fall for me..I know I’m handsome” Minho said teasingly as he noticed Jonghyun staring at him.
“you wish..” Jonghyun chuckled as he lightly hit Minho.
“I’m serious..be happy with someone else..you deserve it..”
Jonghyun pulled out a small box from his bag and opened it…a silver necklace with a key pendant..
“for him?” Minho asked.
“yeah..” Jonghyun smiled and pulled the necklace form the box. He raised it up to look at it closely.
“it will look good on him..”
“of course it will..” Jonghyun agreed.
He closed his eyes and whispered something. Then he walked backwards and with all his might throw the necklace into the waters.
“what are you doing?” Minho was surprised.
“letting him go..” Jonghyun replied. And before he knew tears started to flow from his eyes but at the same time a small smile appeared in his lips.
“excuse me..sir..would you like to try this..” a man in his thirties asked them as they were walking towards the bathroom.
“huh?” Jinki asked.
“this raffle sir..you just need to pick a ball here then if you will be able to pick the prize ball we have a surprise for you..” the man smiled as he explained the rules of the game.
“want to try it, Onew..” Key looked at his lover showing his aegyo face.
“araso..” Jinki smiled.
Jinki and Key at the same time picked up a ball from the container. Jinki looked at his ball and saw a try again next time text. Key chuckled as he noticed the disappointed face of Jinki.
“what’s yours, Key?” Jinki asked.
Key looked at his and smiled. “winner..!”
“congratulations sir..” the man said full of excitement in his voice.
“so what’s the prize..?” Key asked.
“hmm..I think I have the best prize for you..” then the man opened his drawer and pulled out a small box. He smiled as he handed the box to Key. Key opened it and inside it is a silver necklace with a key pendant.
“wow..” Key blurted as he pulled the necklace from the box. “thank you…uhmm?”
“Jonghyun..your welcome sir..” the man bowed.
“Jonghyun?..you have the same name as my best friend..” Key said as he returned the bow.
Key was so happy with the prize but Jinki was different. He has a surprise look in his face. He grabbed the necklace from Key’s hand and looked at the pendant.
“oh by the way sir..the pendant has an engrave in the back..”
Jinki read with his eyes the engraved in the pendant. Key to my heart..
“nice necklace..when did you buy it?” Jinki asked as he took another sip of his wine.
“huh?..this..” key pointed to the necklace he is wearing. “ Jong gave me this..graduation gift..”
“ah..he’s so sweet.” Jinki said. He again gave the necklace a second look and this time saw an engrave in it. “is it an engrave?”
“your name..?” Jinki asked with a hint of jealousy.
“no..” Key answered.
“may I see?” Jinki extended his arm across the table motioning Key to give him the necklace. Key took it off and handed him the necklace.
Jinki, upon receiving the necklace, examined the engrave. Key to my heart. He looked at Key with a questioning expression.
“hey Onew what’s written in there..?” key asked.
“nothing..let’s go..I’m sorry he can’t accept this..” He said as he put down the necklace in the table grabbing Key’s hand pulling him away from the man.
“what the..hey Onew..what’s wrong..?” Key asked but failed to get an answer from Jinki. “yah..stop..my arm..it hurts..yah Onew..ONEW..” Key pulled his arm away from Jinki.
Jinki looked at Key with tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t..I don’t want to lose you..I don’t want..” Jinki whimpered as he walked closer to Key. “I don’t want..I can’t..” he then pulled Key into a tight embrace.
“Onew..?” Key felt confuse with Jinki’s action. He tried to pull away but Jinki’s embrace make it impossible him to move. Giving up, he just let himself be hugged as he hugged Jinki back. “I’m not going anywhere..I promise..”
this is an update from Younha's forever's not enough..she told me to post this since she couldn't..recently she got into an accident and been hospitalized up to now that's why she wasn't able to update her fics..but don't worry she's fine she's recovering..I visited her last saturday and she's doing fine...I already told her to rest but still she requested for her laptop though there is no internet in the hospital..she said she needed to update her fics (plus she's bored)..I do evrything to kill her boredom well I download all current videos of shinee and she was so happy..she quoted to tell you guys about "star king ep 151 JongKey moment..well she said they are being obvious she wished Onkey will also have this kind of moments..she enjoyed the new song of snsd and played it many times in her laptop..for updated fics she said she will comment as soon as she get out of the hospital..yes she read all sorry for not commenting..the hello baby I downloaded ep 1 and 2 and she was so excited to watch it..though she was disappointed with Onew..she wants to say sorry for updating so slow...sorry if this is a failed(she said)because this was a rush..well yeah he wrote this last saturday..hope you understand her delay..
she wants to give thanks to her loyal readers..hope you will enjoy this update..and she hopes you haven't forgot about her..
for silent readers..please do comment..well I write fics too and like her I really wanted to hear you..
ok this is long..she said she will update other fics,,she has time to write because she's just laying in bed all day..
ok..enjoy..!leave comments I'll copy it so she can read it..so if you have message feel free to put..it can help her recover faster..hehehe..ok...oh by the way I'm shyne..I write fics about SUJU so if you have time visit mine..ehhehe..
P.s for the people she made a promise of making a sequel in "I Love you goodbye" she wants to say sorry fr breaking the promise..but don't worry she's trying to make it..well she said she lost the inspiration and the feeling in the story that's why she failed to do so but don't worry she will make it actually she texted me to tell that she's starting to make it....sorry again in her behalf..
- Current Location:room
- Current Mood: sick
- Current Music:OH!
They now bring somber
Every time I think of them
I shed a tear, I break inside
“Jinki this is Key..he is two years younger than you..he is my responsibility starting today..” Jinki looked at the little boy who is in his two years sleeping peacefully in his bed. He reached his hand to other’s cheek and poked it. He smiled when the other moved slapping his own cheek. Jinki poked again the other’s cheek. he climbed up the bed to play with boy sleeping but was surprise when he saw the boy awake.
“hi..” he smiled. The little boy tried to sit up but failed earning a laugh from the other boy. “here..lwet..help..”
So Jinki assisted the boy in his arm. When he finally succeed, he looked at Jinki. He crawled towards him and gave the older boy a kiss on the cheek. The little boy chuckled. Jinki caressed the spot where the boy kissed him. he smiled and from that day on Jinki promised to take care of this baby forever.
“so you’re Jinki..mr. Lee’s son..” the old man in American suit said as he examined Jinki from head to toe.
“yes..sir..” Jinki lowered his head.
“ok..from this day on you will be Key’s friend..this job includes you guarding him, making sure that he will only do right things..and most of all make sure that he will grow to my expectation..is that clear?”
“yes mr. president..” and was the time when Jinki was given the “job” as Key’s friend. Key didn’t have friends. How can he have one? He was never allowed to leave the mansion. He got his own teacher who taught him inside the mansion every day. Key was never allowed to acquaint himself with others except the people his father chooses. So for Key Jinki is his first true friend. Jinki accepted even before Key’s father told him to. he and Key were already friend even before the president gave him the job.
“so what does he wants now?” he was surprised when Key appeared in front of him.
“he told me to be your friend..” Jinki answered leaving the other behind.
“aish I really hate him..”
“you don’t..” Jinki looked at his back.
“and why?” Key walked beside Jinki.
“because he’s your father..” Jinki smiled as ruffled the other’s hair.
“not the hair..” Key slapped Jinki’s hand. “and yes he’s my father but for him I’m nothing..”
“Jinki..!” Jinki turned his gaze from his book when he heard the ten year old Key running towards him.
“he allowed me..he really allowed me..” Key jumped with happiness dragging Jinki with him.
“I’ll be attending the same school as yours..hahaa..” key hugged Jinki. “I’m so happy..” so was Jinki.
“this is boring..” Key said as he sat down beside Jinki in the library. “this is not like what you told me..the stories of fun..but this school is so so boring..” Jinki chuckled with the other’s complains.
“try to look around you..and you will find fun..”
Jinki was right. After some weeks, Key was able to gain friends from his class. If before he always bugged Jinki during lunch time, after some weeks, Key was always with his friends eating at the canteen. Jinki was happy but at the same time sad. He was started to feel Key drifting away from him.
Middle school..changes happened. Key got many friends and even became very famous leaving Jinki alone. But for jinki, he’s happy as long as Key’s happy. That time also was the moment he felt something not ordinary for Key. Every night key would come to his room and told him stories about his friends or the latest boy that confessed to him. like before, Key would cuddled next to him. But something’s different now. he could feel his heart beating very fast when Key snuggled to him. butterflies in his stomach whenever he watched the other sleep. It feels good but he must stop. He must..
“are you angry with me? did I do something to make you mad at me?” Key confronted him after a week of Jinki playing hide and seek with Key.
“nothing..” Jinki lied.
Jinki eyed him. He stood up and was about to walked out of the room when he felt Key’s hand pulling him back.
He turned around but to his surprise Key crushed his lips to his. That kiss lasted for seconds for Jinki pushed the other away.
“what is that?” Jinki asked.
“I know..why did you do it?” Jinki asked.
“because I want to..I get I want remember..” Key smirked. “and I want you”
“sorry brat..but not me..” Jinki stormed out of the room. He ran to the backyard. When he reached there, he stopped running his fingers in his lips. He smiled. He looked up the sky, closed his eyes as he tried to remember their kiss a while ago.
“do you like him?” Jinki was taken aback with his mother’s words.
“Key..I saw you and him..in the room..a while ago..”
“he was the one who kissed me..” Jinki turned around facing his back to his mother.
“I know..I saw it..but you must avoid now...listen to me..never ever fall for him..” those words stayed in Jinki’s mind, his mother’s words. From that night on, he avoided Key. He slept with mother telling Key’s mother that his mother couldn’t sleep alone because of his asthma. In school, he avoided Key even his gaze.
“now tell me what’s happening..” Key cornered Jinki inside the bathroom cubicle.
“what do you mean? I need to go to my class..” Jinki tried to push Key but failed.
“Jinki you’re bad at lying..”
“what do you want to hear?” Jinki looked straight at the other boy.
“is this about the kiss?” Key asked blushing.
“it was nothing..didn’t mean anything..forget it..” Jinki lied again.
Key lowered his head. After some seconds of silence, he looked up to Jinki with a smile. “woah..I thought I need to give a long explanation..I even practiced it..I was to say that too..thanks..so friends again..”
“ok bye..” Key then walked out of the cubicle. Hearing the door closed, he leaned his back in the wall. He closed his eyes as tears fell from his eyes.
“we’re leaving here..” Jinki was surprised when he entered their room his mother packing their things.
“where..are we going?” Jinki stuttered.
“your father found an apartment near his office..I will resign now since they no longer need my service..also I think it’s time to retire..” his mother explained while fixing the bed.
“umma..they let us stay here..we don’t need to go..”
“jinki listen..my main reason of leaving is you..”
“me?” Jinki was confused.
“you’re my son..I know you..you’re in love with him right..you can’t hide it from me..from the way you watch him and the way you smile..you had fallen for him..”
“this is the best way to stop it..if you will stay to live here with him your feelings will only get deeper..and we can’t let that happen..you can’t..you two are too far from each other…”
“no ifs no buts..we’re leaving tonight..I already told Mrs. Kim..”
that night was the last night we set foot on the mansion. He looked up Key’s window. he thought Key was already sleeping since the room was dark. He whispered his goodbye to his friend wishing the wind would bring it to him..
goodbye and I’m sorry…
After leaving the mansion, his mother transferred him to another school. But what his mother didn’t know, he secretly watched Key from afar. He saw everything. How Key met Jonghyun.. Jonghyun is the son of Key’s father business partner. Jonghyun became Key’s friend because his father chose him to be. After a year, he learned to Key’s schoolmate that Jonghyun is key’s boyfriend. Again by his father’s choice. Starting that day when he saw Jonghyun kissed Key he decided to move on. He told his parents if he could live with his auntie in Daegu. His mother as protective as she is decided to come with Jinki. And his father, he asked Key’s father if he could transfer to Daegu’s branch. After given recommendation, Jinki with his family moved to Daegu and there he started his new life. No key around..
But I do my best just to hide
To show not any sign of regret
That we were never really together
We didn’t make it till the end
‘cause there wasn’t anything
Jinki blinked as his eyes adjusted with the light. He slowly moved from his position but find it difficult because of the weight above him. he looked down and smiled when he saw Key’s sleeping face. He brought his hands into Key’s cheek and caressed it brushing the hair in his face.
“Jinki..” Key opened his eyes when he felt fingers in his face.
“morning..” Jinki gave his most genuine smile.
“morning..” key said as he tried to sit up. “my body hurts..”
Jinki chuckled as he helped the other in sitting up. He then propped himself up. Key gave Jinki his clothes as he grabbed his.
After putting their clothes on, Jinki walked towards his bag. Gotcha..
“here..” he said as he handed key his comb.
“thanks..” Key smiled as he received the comb.
Key looked at him as he heard Jinki’s words. “for what..”
“for last night..for everything..”
“you never change..remember the first kiss we shared years ago..” key chuckled.
of course I remember..I regret it when I told you that it doesn’t mean anything to me..but can I do..it already happened..I said what I said..I can’t take it back..
“you know what..I always think what if we are together..I mean if we are in love..” key handed jinki the comb.
“what do you think?”
“hmm..i think we will not last long..” key chuckled.
“because ..we’re too opposite..you will only get irritated with my bratty attitude and I can’t stand your too serious self..” Key said as he walked towards the door. “what do you think?”
“yah right..” Jinki chuckled but inside him he felt pain in his heart.
“but you know what I’m happy to see you again..do you think we can be friends again..back to what we are before..bring back what we have” Key said not even looking at him.
“I don’t know..but what I know is after this we will be back to being strangers” Jinki wanted to slap himself for that answer.
There wasn’t anything
To call ours
We were only friends
That is all we are
“where’s the Key?” a voice from the outside said.
“I gave it to you..”
“your friends came..” Key said as he walked between the shelves hiding himself on it. “maybe they heard that you didn’t come home last night..”
“maybe..” Jinki picked up his bag and waited for the door to open.
“Jinki-hyung..” Taemin ran as he saw his cousin after opening the door.
“don’t tell us you slept here and locked yourself again..”
“neh..” Jinki smiled.
“thanks you came..” Jinki said.
“of course we will..c’mon let’s go I’m hungry we ran here forgetting to eat breakfast and waited for the guards to open the gates..”
Jinki smiled as he watched his friends exiting the room.
“Jinki..” Jinki looked at the direction where Key’s hiding.
“I lied..” then silence. “I think we will last longer than forever..”
“me too..” then Jinki walked out of the room.
“yah..did you really locked him there?” a tall boy asked the other.
“yeah..he thought we were playing prank on him..but he didn’t know it was all Jonghyun’s plan..punishment because he saw Key smiling at a boy in the canteen yesterday..”
“aigoo..how can Jonghyun do this to Key..” the boy shook his head as he they stopped in front of the PE storage room.
Jinki looked at the two boys. He wanted to run and ask them where the bastard Jonghyun is is. He has no rights to do this to Key. But again he controlled his self.
“yah..what took you so long to get me out of here?” Key shouted as the door opens.
“yah..hyung..c’mon we’re hungry..” He turned around and ran as he heard Taemin’s whining.
Foolish of us
We fell for a night that was made of dreams
The next day…
“yah hyung don’t ever sleep again in the PE storage room..” Taemin said as they walked down the hall going to their afternoon classes.
“yes sir..” Jinki jokingly replied.
“aigoo..I can die now..”
“how can they be so good looking?” Taemin asked as he watched the four famous walked down the hallway. The students moved to the side as they walked in the middle.
“they’re famous because of their riches..”
“look..Key-oppa..who is that guy..” Jinki looked at the girls talking then averted his gaze. To his surprise he saw Key standing in front of him.
“this yours..” Key said as he handed Jinki a paper bag. Jinki received the paper bag. Key then gave him a smile as for him is a one of those fake smile. when Key walked away he ran his eyes to the students around him.
“what is that?”
“why did Key-oppa talk to him and even gave him that..?”
“who is that?” Jonghyun asked as he snaked his arm into Key’s waist.
“no one..I don’t..really know him..” Key replied looking at Jinki.
“oh..a stranger..” Jonghyun said pulling Key away from the crowd.
“yah..hyung what’s that?” Jinki turned his gaze to his friend as he heard Taemin’s question.
“what did you say?” Jinki was not really listening to him or even to the students around him. His hearing focused on Key. Even though he was not looking he heard Key’s answer.
“the paper gift..?”
“oh this..well I gave it to him yesterday as a gift..you know..but I think he just rejected me..”
“aigoo..hyung..you like him too..” Taemin said as
“not really..just trying my luck..who knows maybe he’ll fall to me too..” Jinki said as he gave them his goofy smile.
“in your dreams..” girls from his back said.
“it’s ok hyung..there are still others..he’s not meant for you..he’s too high..beyond normal..and you, us, are just ordinary..” Taemin said.
“Taemin’s right..like heaven and earth..impossible to meet..”
“where did you get that line..never thought you watched drama,
“yah..hyung..wait for us..”
“what the..?” key shrieked when he heard a voice from his back.
“you..you scared me.” Key said when he saw Jinki. He roamed his gaze around the locker hall.
“no one’s here..lunch break..” Jinki said as he walked near Key.
“what do you need?” Key asked.
“this..” Jinki took key’s hand and put the paper bag in it.
“this..I already. .this is your scarf..” Key said.
“it’s yours..” Jinki said as he turned to walk away. “so that you will not get cold when Jonghyun locked you up again in the storage room.”
“wait..why do you need to..” key called out sadness in his voice.
“because just what I said we will be back to being strangers..”
He walked away..away from Key..again..like before. That night when he left Key. The day when he decided to give up on his feelings. For he knows they just can’t be together. He can’t love him like the way he wants to. he just can’t. All he wanted is to run back and take him. tell him that he loves him but he can’t. he already accepted it from the time he met Key that they will never be meant for each other…that time will come that all reasons will tell him that Key can’t be his..and that time is now..at least he could leave him a piece of him…something that can give Key warmth whenever he’s cold and alone..think of me when you feel sad..cold..and alone..though I can’t be with you in person my love will forever give you warmth..though from afar..
And now all that there is
Are encounters with an everyday stranger.
I hope you liked it..if this made you sad so sorry..
About Jonghyun’s role here sorry for Jonghyun’s fans..don’t hate me..this is just fictional.. he needed to act like that..I will make up to you..i will write a fic about them soon…
have you watched shimshimtapa..onkey moments there..
how about the fancam in music bank..onkey also..
the preview for makbansi..onkeytae family is there..
and MOST OF ALL KEY DANCING IN STAR KING and HIS SHOWDOWN WITH JOKWON..LOL..I CAN'T BREATHE..he finally show the world the diva..Jongkey moments there..
also wanna see more shinee pairings..read omonatheydidn't article about shinee rolling paper..lol..jonghyun and onew fighting for Key..onkeyjong..I also see how's onew and key's message to taemin connects..and hey the heart sign in Kibum's message to jong..
Again thank you for reading..leave a comment..ok..!
back to part 1
- Current Location:room
- Current Mood:awake
- Current Music:jojo--
Pairing: OnKey, with random 2min and Jongkey
Genre: angst..again so sorry
Summary: But I do my best just to hide
To show not any sign of regret
That we were never really together
We didn’t make it till the end
‘cause there wasn’t anything
Disclaimer: I only wish their mine..but the plot is mine..the bolded text if put together will form a poem and this also is originally mine..
Notes: this is unbetad..I reread it only once..so if you find typo error sorry..I'll recheck it tomorrow..I'm busy but I think I need to post this now..I know I told you guys that I will limit myself to angst but as you can see..I just can’t..sorry..hope you will like this..the bolded text is a poem I made for this..hope you will like it too..for silent readers please oh please love me..comment..any comments are appreciated.. to my loyal readers who never failed to give me inspiration I love you all..this is for you..i promised to make a sequel for I Love you, Goodbye..I will post it tomorrow.. enjoy..and love yah…
All over the place
I see your face
A smile plastered
“hey look it’s Key-oppa..”
“how come he’s so beautiful..”
“even more beautiful than me..”
Jinki looked at the girls whispering near his desk. He then averted his gaze and tried to find the subject of their talk. But again he wasn’t able to have a glimpse of the said beauty. Jinki just transferred to this school because his father was promoted from the small branch to main. Ever since he set foot in this classroom, girls and boys always have the same subject every lunch break. That Key..
you’ll look my way
and turn just in time
for me to catch a glimpse
of those faking smile
“yah..Jinki..what are eating?”
“yah..” he never got the chance to protest when his cousin took the sandwich he’s been enjoying.
“auntie made this..yummy..” Taemin smiled and patted his cousin in his shoulder.
“how many times will I tell not to do it to your hyung..” he heard a deep voice from his back.
“it’s ok Minho..I’m used to it..” Jinki snorted as he watched the younger boy devoured his food.
Minho and Taemin are his best friends in the school. Taemin is his cousin and Minho is Taemin’s boyfriend. This two, as for his opinion, suits each other. Taemin is the naughty but caring one and Minho is the quiet but responsible boy. He smiled as he watched the two lovers teasing each other. He then put out his book to study for his next subject but when he was about to start he heard noise from the canteen’s entrance.
“key..I’m joon-hyung..would you like to..”
He annoyingly averted his gaze from his book and looked at the source of the irritating sounds but his expression changes as he laid eyes to
defined cheekbones…cute dimples..cat like eyes..porcelain white skin..pink thin lips…soft hair..and the most beautiful smile he had seen in his life…he’s perfect..
He sat up properly when he saw him walking towards the table near his. He walked like a model. His every move has grace. How can a person be beautiful like this… he sighed and decided to avert his eyes but to his surprise he caught the beauty looking at him. Their eyes locked and to his surprise gave Jinki one of his beautiful smiles. But it didn’t last long. After some seconds, Key looked away and continued walking towards the table where his friends are. Jinki frowned. Why? he is supposed to be happy, right? But no, he’s not..for what he saw in the other’s eyes were fake..his smile..his eyes..
“did he just smile on you hyung..?” Taemin’s voice brought him back to reality.
“huh?..of course not..why would he smile on me?” Jinki replied giving Taemin a light hit on his back.
“yah..Taemin..hyung said not..” Minho said. Taemin pouted. “I saw what I saw..he smiled to hyung..”
Of course he would.. Jinki then opened his book and focused his gaze to it. but how could he concentrate to his book if he can see from the corner of his eyes the subject of his desire. If he could hear the voice of his angel..
He looked at his friends first and when he saw them busy with their own world, he carefully glanced at the other table where Key is. As he focused his gaze to him, he felt butterflies in his stomach when he saw Key’s happy face. He can feel his cheeks burning as the other moved demonstrating something to his companion. He really enjoyed watching him though from afar. He’s contented to this. But his enjoyment disappeared when he saw the person he wished never existed. He sat himself beside Key giving the other a peck on the lips. He clenched his fists as he watch how that man snaked his arm to key’s waist trying to pull Key closer to him. He then looked at Key. Key is smiling. Of course he would..he always smile..but his smiles mean different things..and Jinki is happy to be the one to know it..
If only they know the things I know
About the person that’s you
The night we sat side by side
Locked in an embrace
One as we kissed
“kiss me” Jinki was surprised when Key told him those words that night.
They were locked up in the PE equipment storage room as one of Key’s friend joke to him. One thing they didn’t know is Jinki was there having his afternoon nap and trying to avoid the cleaning chores. He was awaked by loud banging of the door. There he saw a boy hitting it calling for help from the outside. Jinki looked at watch. Shit..he overslept..6 at the afternoon.
He looked again at the boy when he heard him stop in his banging. He stood up, dusting his pants and walked towards the boy.
Key startled when he heard a voice from his back. of course he would..he thought he was alone all this time then suddenly there was a boy at his back.
“sorry if I scared you but why are hitting the door..” Jinki moved towards the door. He turned the knob to open it but to his surprise it was locked.
“it’s lock..?!” he looked at the boy at the floor looked so vulnerable, to his opinion. He then tried again but again failed.
“don’t worry..” he then walked towards his bag. “what the..” he put out everything in his bag but still didn’t found it. “aigoo..my phone..” he looked at the boy who is looking too at him. “you have a phone?”
Key just shook his head. Jinki noticed that he didn’t have his bag with him.
“who did this?” Jinki asked as he tried to move closer to the boy. That time he’s not sure who is the boy since it’s a bit dark and the light coming from a small window was there only light.
“stay there..don’t come closer..” the other boy shrieked. Jinki stopped. The voice was familiar. He tried to open his eyes more to examine the boy in front of him. aigoo.. he was surprise when he recognized the boy. it was no other than the campus famous Kim Key. But why..who did this to him..
“uhmm.. Key..” Jinki stuttered. The other didn’t respond but moved farther to the corners hugging his knees to his chest. Hearing no response he decided to shut up. Maybe it’s better if he will just keep quiet.
Two hours passed, Jinki could tell since he had his watch, and still there’s no one coming to help them. Whoever did this to them, or to Key, have no plan of getting him out tonight. He sighed. He opened his bag and took out his sweater. It was starting to get cold. Thanked to his mother for putting his sweater in his bag. He smiled when he saw his scarf too. After putting it, he felt warmth. After some minutes he heard a voice.
“help…help..” he then realized it coming from the other boy in the corner. He ran to his side. “I’m cold..”
Jinki helped the boy to sit up properly. The boy is freezing but if he would give his sweater then the one to be frozen is him.
“uhmm..” Jinki didn’t know what to do. He was in the deep of thinking a way to warm the other boy when he felt body pushed against him. And before he was able registered the scene, Key was cuddled to him. he was sitting on his lap as his face was buried to his chest. If anyone could see them now, Key would look like a baby on his father’s arm. When he felt the other relaxed against him he tried himself to relax too. He slowly pulled Key away from him earning a protest.
“I have an idea..” Jinki said. Key looked at him with teary eyes. Jinki opened his sweater.
“lean on me..” Jinki commanded. Key complied and placed himself into Jinki’s chest. Jinki then zipped the sweater up to three-fourths of the zipper with Key inside too. Jinki’s idea, them sharing one sweater.
“this..is..your..idea..” Key asked stuttering due to cold.
“yeah..can’t think of anything else..” Jinki replied pulling his scarf from his neck. He then put it around them. Key’s head is resting into Jinki’s shoulder in a way that Jinki could feel Key’s air from his nose.
“I feel better..” Key said. Jinki felt the other smiling. “thank you..”
“uhmm Key..” no answer. he looked down to check the other boy. he smiled when he saw the boy sleeping. He looked at the window and there he saw the moon. After some minutes he felt sleepy and before he knew it, he entered the land of dreams.
“yah..” he shifted when felt someone poking his cheeks.
“yah..mr. tofu..” this time he felt pain. He shot open his eyes and the first thing he saw was Key kneeling in front of him.
“what..?” he asked wiping sleep from his eyes.
“I thought your dead..that’s why I slap you..you’re not moving..” Key said as he sat beside Jinki snuggling at his side. “it’s still cold..”
“yeah..” Jinki then looked at his watch..” 1:00 am..
Jinki looked at the boy beside him. he’s hugging Jinki’s arm as he cuddled closer to him like he’s getting heat from Jinki.
“uhmm..who did this?” Jinki asked hoping to get an answer form Key.
“they did this to you..” Jinki looked down.
“is it surprising?..”
“of course it is..my friends will never do this to me..” Jinki answered back sureness in his voice.
“lucky you..” then silence.
Jinki always thought that Key is so damn lucky in life. He’s famous, rich and beautiful. Everybody loves him. and his friends like him are all famous too. So he was so surprise when Key told him that he’s lucky. Coming from Key himself made it more surprising.
He then felt Key pulling away from his side. When he looked at him he was now staring at him.
Jinki felt his heart beat fast. He can’t even breathe. He could feel his cheeks on fire. Their gaze locked that moment. Jinki wanted to take his eyes away but there is something in Key that stopped him from doing it. He’s like the gravity.
“yah..key..” Jinki stuttered as he saw Key leaning closer to him. when they were an inch close and he could almost breathe the air coming out from Key, he closed his eyes. He slightly pouted his lips. He will be kissing Key of all people. His first and last kiss was years ago and that was the most awkward kiss he ever had. He’s not sure in his skills all he knew about it was from the romantic movies his mother always watched at home. Seconds passed but he couldn’t feel anything. Like lips or something pressed on him so he opened his eyes. There he saw a red face Key hands on his mouth. Is he..
“hahahaha..if you could only see your face..hahahaha..it’s funny…” Key put away the hands in his mouth as laughed out loud.
Jinki blushed at the same time felt irritated. “it’s not funny..”
“c’mon I’m just entertaining my self..” Key chuckled.
“ so Mr. famous playing with someone’s feeling is your definition of fun..” with that Jinki stood up walked across the room and settled himself at the farthest he can from key.
Key stopped from laughing when he felt Jinki’s anger from his words. He didn’t mean to hurt the other’s feelings. He stood up and followed the other. He sat down a meter away from Jinki. Jinki was really offended by Key’s joke.
“yah..sorry..I didn’t mean to..you know play with your feelings..” Key said looking at the boy in the corner of his eyes.
Jinki refused to reply but gave up as he felt Key’s stare on him.
“ it’s not my first time to be played..” Jinki looked at Key with a frown. Key averted his gaze and there was silence.
“sorry..” Key whispered lowering his head staring at his shoes playing the laces on it. Jinki stared at him. damn he’s really beautiful..
“why did we end up like this..?” Jinki was taken aback by Key’s statement. Key then eyed him. “you’re surprise..?”
“no..I mean..we’re not supposed to..talk about it…” Jinki looked out the window. Key chuckled.
“why? nobody can hear us here..it’s just the two of us..”
Jinki closed his eyes. why did we end up like this.. “maybe that’s our fate..” Jinki smirked as he looked at Key’s whose gaze didn’t leave him.
“fate..? you’re still pathetic..” Key smirked moving a bit near Jinki.
“but you like it..” Jinki looked at him giving him his smile.
“yeah I love it..and don’t give me that smile..I hate it..” Key took Jinki’s hands wrapped it into his.
“don’t..” Jinki pulled away his hand earning a pout from the other.
“why Jinki..?” Key broke the silence. Jinki for the second time was dumbfounded by Key’s questions.
“why didn’t you fall to me?” Jinki looked at the other’s eyes. is he serious with the question? “you don’t need to answer.” Key turned away.
“because I can’t..” this time it was Key who was surprise by Jinki’s answer. “I wasn’t allowed to..”
Key laughed breaking the serious atmosphere Jinki created. “you..you’re really one of a kind..”
“so how’s your father?” Key asked changing the subject as he cuddled at Jinki’s side. “it’s cold..”
Jinki smiled as he wrapped his arm to Key’s body pulling him closer to him. “he’s fine..He was promoted..that’s why I’m here..”
“yeah..father told me that..” Key said as played with Jinki’s fingers. “your mother..?”
“she’s doing fine..she opened a small business in our new house..” Jinki leaned his head into Key’s smelling Key’s fragrant through his hair. “you smell the same..”
“yah who give you the permission..” Key pulled away.
“sorry..” Jinki chuckled as he saw Key trying to suppress a smile in his lips. Key then positioned himself back into Jinki’s arms.
“it is because I still used the same shampoo..” Key smiled. “it’s been what two years since you and your family left the house..”
“that was when mother decided to make a business..it is easier than to serve a brat..” Jinki closed his eyes as he relax to Key’s warmth.
“I thought auntie loved his work..she never complained..”
“of course she would not..”
Then silence again.
“Are you happy?”
“ I’m not..”
Jinki opened his eyes to look at the boy in his arms. “liar..”
“I’m not..” Key said in a serious tone. “why did you left me?”
Jinki felt pain in his heart. He never wanted to leave Key but he needed.
“how can a Key be unhappy with his life?..he can get everything he wants..he has fame and friends..and to add you have your so hot boyfriend..” Jinki said imitating the girls from his class whenever Jonghyun passed their classroom. Key chuckled with Jinki’s impersonation. “all you need is to be contented with what you have…”
Key pulled away as he stood up in his seat. He walked facing Jinki. He knelt down levelling himself with Jinki. He put his hands on each side of Jinki’s shoulder.
“can..I kiss you..again..” Key said looking straight to the older boy’s eyes. Jinki didn’t reply back. He just closed his eyes as he felt Key’s breathe in his face. And there he felt the other’s lips on his. It’s like all his blood was drained from his brain for he couldn’t think straight anymore. After some seconds he could feel the other’s tongue begging for entrance. Without giving it a second thought he slightly opened his lips to let the other’s tongue explore him. At the same time he took the opportunity to do his own exploration. As the kiss deepened, he put his arms around the other’s waist pulling him closer to him. then he felt the boy’s hands under his clothes. He moaned as he Key played with his ear using his cold hands. Hearing the moan, key pulled away from the kiss. He leaned towards Jinki’s ear and whispered.
“then show me how to be contented..” with that Jinki let out a heavy moan when he felt Key running his tongue in the tip of his ear.
“this is so wrong..” Jinki muttered earning a light hit in his shoulder from the other. but Jinki is just a human. He has desire..and this boy is his desire..how can he restrain himself… so in a flash of light he lowered the boy in floor holding his head as he carefully laid his scarf under Key’s head top serve as a pillow.
He then gently unbuttoned Key’s shirt with his right hand while the other is playing with the boy’s ear. He smiled when the younger boy moan arching his back to make contact with Jinki’s body.
“p..lea..se..” Key begged to be touch and as a man Jinki didn’t let the other suffered. He took off his shirt, unbuckled his own pants as he watched Key buckling his own.
He leaned down to have another round of lustful kiss with Key. Though inside him, he wanted to ravish Key, he still find the control to be gentle with the other. He slowly nipped the bottom lip of the other then trailed down his neck. He slowly licked the sweat in the other’s collarbone as he soothingly massaged the other’s thigh.
“ he never treated me like this..with gentle..he’s too rough..” Key said between breathing.
Jinki stopped his trail as he looked up to Key. Key was looking straight in the ceiling. He propped up as he watched the other shed a tear in his eyes. He brought his hand to wipe the single tear that flow the other’s cheek.
“I know..” Jinki said as he settled himself beside Key putting his arms under his head. Of course he knew. He knew Key since the day he started to walk. He knew everything about him starting from how he react if didn’t get what he wants up to how will he keep his emotion if he’s around other people. He noticed this that day when Key got to school in long sleeves. He was also wearing make-up on his face like his trying to hide something. He’s suspicions were right. He saw it. He saw the wounds in key’s wrists like it was tightly tied all night. He also saw the bruise in the corner of Key’s lips. There was this time when he saw how Jonghyun cornered Key inside the bathroom and forced him to have sex with him. Key’s good at hiding things. He’s really a pro. But to Jinki, he can’t hide anything. For all of the people that know Key, Jinki is the only person that could read Key clearly like an open book.
“he never loved me..he just need me..to call his..to tell the world that I’m his..” key sat up climbing at top of Jinki.
“why didn’t you just leave him..” he said as he closed his eyes to enjoy Key’s little tease in his chest.
“I don’t know..maybe because..I love him..” Key said between kisses he was planting into Jinki’s chest.
Love him..how can you love him.. Jinki put his hands on Key’s shoulder and slowly sat up. Key then straddled Jinki his legs wrapped around Jinki’s body. Jinki pulled the other’s head to a kiss..a more passionate and deep kiss..
If only we can stay like this forever..where there are no boundaries to stop us?..no reason to hide and lie...no one would tell us that we are not meant to one another..for you are the sky and the I am the land..no ways for us to meet..if only I can hold the time..I will bring back the time…the time I will forever regret..
-----part 2 is here...it's too long..
- Current Location:room
- Current Mood:awake
- Current Music:jojo--
Wish i could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
"why are you doing this to me..?"
"because..I want to..i'll do everything I want to.."
"but..but..it hurts.." he whispered the last words afraid for the reaction from the other.
"what did you say?" he pretended that he didn't hear those words. the truth is it hurts too..2 times painful for him..
"nothing.." he lowered his head to hide the tears welling up in his eyes.
"fine..I'm going..don't wait for me..I'll be late.." then he turned his back on him. he stopped..all he wanted to do is to embrace the boy he can't..he mustn't...so he opened the door and left..not even turning to see the boy falling on his knees burying his crying face in his hands.
Wish i could say to you
That i’ll always stay with you
But baby that’s not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that’s something i can’t do
where to go? he has no idea. he was walking downtown with no destination in mind. all he needed is to distance himself from him. he ran his fingers in his hair trying to erase the guilt he's feeling. I hurt him again.. but this is the best thing to do..hurt him..then..hate me..then leave me..this is my decision.
I broke a promise..yes a lifetime promise and this is my punishment..I can't be with him anymore..he deserves someone else who can stay with him and love him forever..who will give the love he deserves..and I can't give it to him..I just can't...
he looked up to the sky and smiled as he saw the stars shining brightly. he loves sparkling objects..and stars are his favorite..but for me his brighter than any stars put together..so bright that him alone lighted my once dark road...
"Jinki..?" a voice from behind brought him back from his thoughts.
"hey..Jjong.." he answered back giving his friend a "fake" smile.
"what are doing here? at this time of the night.." Jonghyun said making his way to Jinki's side.
"just walking..home...is...boring.." he lied.
"uh..where's Key..he's no with you.." Jonghyun said as he moved his gaze around looking for Key's presence.
"you left without him.?." Jonghyun couldn't believe it. these two are inseparable..they met in their elementary days..Jonghyun introduced Jinki to Key and from that day on, you couldn't see them not together..
"yeah..he's a nuisance.." Jinki smirked.
"what did you say?" Jonghyun was surprised. "how could you call him a nuisance..I know he's a bit bratty but Jinki coming from you..I couldn't believe my ears.."
"c'mon Jonghyun..he's so irritating..acting cute and sweet all the time..I'm getting tired of him..and oh don't forget his slutty attitude..I don't know but I'm getting sick of him.." with that turned his back..He's bad in telling lies..his eyes couldn't lie..
he was about to walk away when he felt a hard tugged in his arms and then his world spins..he fell down to his feet pain in his left cheek..he caressed it as he looked up to his friend..people started to gather to watch their little show..
"how could you..to say it..key of all people.." Jonghyun shouted as he grab a fistful of Jinki's shirt.
"what..? oh I forgot..Key's saviour...I mean what I say..if you think he doesn't deserve this treatment then get him..get him he's all yours.." he launched himself up forcefully pushing Jonghyun away making the other stumbled. He wiped the blood in the corner of his lips as he walked away from the crowd..
"DAMN YOU JINKI..! GET BACK HERE..YOU FUCKING BASTARD..YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM..i'M GETTING HIM AWAY FROM YOU IF THAT YOU WANT.." he could hear the bawling Jonghyun is making..he put his hands on his pockets and walked faster...
I hope someday you can find some way to understand i’m only doing this for you
I don’t really wanna go
But deep in my heart i know this is the kindest thing to do
You’ll find someone who’ll be the one that i could never be
Who’ll give you something better
Than the love you’ll find with me
it was 3 am in the morning when he decided to go home. he stayed in the park just letting the hours passed by..but the park is not just an ordinary park..this where he took Key in their first date..where he confessed to Key..where he put that ring in his finger..where he told him his dreams of living with Key, of growing old..where he promise him his forever..
He took out his keys and quietly opened the door. it was dark but he could clearly recognize the sleeping form in the couch. he walked towards it placidly not to wake him. he knelt down not taking his eyes in the beauty in front of him. he slowly lifted hi hand and landed it on the boy's soft hair. he brushed away the hair blocking his eyes.
"how could I hurt you without making you cry.." he whispered tears flowing from his eyes..
feeling warmth in his face, Key stirred up from his sleep finding Jinki on his knees in front of him.
"Jinki..?" he slowly sat up wiping the drowsiness in his eyes.
"why are you sleeping there..there's the bed..what do you expect..me to carry you.." Jinki stood up leaving Key on the couch. he entered the guestroom and locked it. before they shared a room and the guestroom served as the music room but now Jinki moved his things in the other room telling Key his lie..that he couldn't stand sleeping with him anymore..
he leaned his back at the door as more tears fell in his face..I'm sorry..
"why?" Key murmured as tears formed in his eyes. he wiped it before it fall..he promised not to cry..he loves Jinki..and he will forever.."if this is your way to make me leave you, you'll not succeed..I'm willing to take all the pain you will throw at me..I will endure it all..until you give up..
He positioned himself back in the couch..hugging the pillow..the pillow they personally made..he was about to close his eyes when he heard his phone ringing..he got up walking towards his phone..
"yah..Key where are you?" the voice asked.
"Jjong why?" Key recognized the voice but he felt something's wrong with Jonghyun.
"at home?" he didn't replied but threw another question..
"yeah..why..? where are you?" Key is concerned
there was a long pause making Key felt more confuse..
"nothing..just be ok..promise me to call if you..feel..alone.." then the call ended...
"hey..you're not eating?" Key ran towards the door when he saw Jinki leaving without even tellin g him.
"I'm not hungry..and I'm late.." Jinki said as he slipped into his shoes.
"uhm..wait.." key said making Jinki looked at him.
"what?" Jinki said very annoyed (well it is just a lie)
"where's..my..kiss..?" Key blushed.
how can I resist him..but no i must..
'"kiss yourself.." with that he walked out shutting the door loudly.
"take care.." key whispered as he walked back to the kitchen.
"are you ok.." Jonghyun asked when he noticed Key was too quiet..just gazing in the window..he's with him but he's mind is somewhere else.. "yah.."
"what are you thinking..?" Jonghyun asked as if didn't know why..
"nothing..I'm just thinking what to cook this dinner.." Key tried to smile but Jonghyun couldn't be tricked. he knew that Key's thinking of Jinki.
"yeah..as if he's eating with you tonight.." Jonghyun stirred his coffee.
"what? what do you mean?"
"c'mon key..I'm your bestfriend..how can you hide me about this?.." Jonghyun dropped the spoon raising his voice to emphasize his emotion.
"what hiding from you?..I" Key stuttered.
"shit Key..stop it please..tell me is Jinki hurting you.." Jonghyun reached for Key's hand enclosed it on his.
"no, of course not.." Key pulled his hands away from Jonghyun's touch.
"I didn't mean physically..emotionally..is he?" Jonghyun said demanding an answer.
"uhmm..Jjong.." key looked up to see the hard stare of his friend..
"key please if you love me as your friend tell me.." Jonhyun leaned his elbows on the table..
"no.." key replied.
"no he's not..he's not gonna make me believe that he hates me....that he doesn't feel the same like before..that he doesn't need me..that I am nothing to him..no of course not..I will not be hurt..because I know it was all lies.." he stood up and rushed out of the cafe. He pretended not to hear the calling of his friend.
Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as i love you
Oh i don’t wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
"what is this..?" Key hurriedly walked towards Jinki's room when he saw big luggage in the living room. "Jinki..?"
"i'm leaving.." Jinki said not even looking up to see Key.
"why? " Key said as he made his way near Jinki. Jinki put his shirts on the luggage.
"what are you doing?" Jinki asked. Key was putting out what he already packed.
"you're not leaving.." Key uttered his voice shaking but hard enough to show his anger.
"like you can do something to stop me..." Jinki grabbed the shirts Key has unpacked.
"I'll do anything to stop you.."
"fuck off.." Jinki pushed Key as he noticed him walking towards his other bag.
"you're not leaving me..no way.." key shouted. Jinki froze. this is the first time he heard Key shouted with anger.
"watch me.." Jinki locked his luggage pulled the other and made his way out of the room. he grabbed his keys and headed towards the door. but was stopped when he saw key blocking the door.
"No..please I'm begging..stay.." Key begged tears all over his face.
"out of my way now.." Jinki demanded with a loud voice.
"no.." he shouted.
"you really want this to be harsh.." with that he grabbed Key by his shoulder. he thew him hard on the couch. Key yelped in pain as his back met with the couch.
"Why?" Key asked crying.
"it is better if you find someone else..but me..I'm out of your life from now on.."Jinki gave him a last look then with his things he walked out of their house. Key buried his face as he cried out loud. he no longer care if other people can hear him..all he wanted is Jinki to come back...
after he put all his things inside the car he looked up..he looked at the window hoping to see Key one last time..all he wanted to do is too ran back to him..hugged him..his heart broke when he saw Key hurt after being thrown in the couch..but no he can't ran to him and comfort him..it will only ruin everything..
I'm sorry..so sorry..
he grabbed his phone form his pocket and dialled someone.
"he needs you.."
"Jinki..?" the voice asked.
"come here quickly...he needs you.." the he ended his call. for one last time, he looked up at the window..he smiled..the most real smile after days of lies..
he then boarded his car and drove away...leaving his one true love behind..for good...
Oh i could say that i’ll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know i’d only hurt you
I know i’d only make you cry
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye
one month ago...
"what's wrong with me?" Jinki asked his doctor. he is, if it's the word, excited to know either it is a good news or a bad one. he went to see his doctor when he felt something's abnormal in him..Drowsiness..Headache, especially in the morning...Vomiting..Muscle weakness on one side of the body..and sometimes hearing, speaking and swallowing difficulties..he knew he is sick but he doesn't know is worst than what he expected..
"Mr. Lee..I want you to see a doctor starting today..I will advise you that you must undergo series of examination and treatment.."
the doctor closed the folder that' he was reading since the moment Jinki entered the room.
"tell me now what's wrong with me..you know I have a date tonight..I can't be late.." He said.
"Mr. lee..sorry to say but the symptoms and the tests confirmed..you have cancer..I'm sorry but stage IV..." the doctor sighed as he took off his glasses.
"so..what medication should I do.." Jinki was surprised..he thought he's only overfatigued with work..or maybe immune system is not stable..but cancer.no way...
" this type is rare..no treatment to stop it from spreading..only treatment to take away the pain..or maybe to extend your.." the doctor stopped thinking if that's the right word..
"my life..I'm... dying.." Jinki lowered his gaze to his hands.
"I'm sorry.." the doctor said but even before he was able to tell Jinki what he needed to do Jinki already made his way out of the clinic. outside he leaned his body on the wall..he's dying..how come? he's young and healthy..that's what he knew..when he felt..he felt his knees weaken..and after he knew it he slumped down to his feet..he pulled his knees and hugged it towards his chest..he then buried his face..
how will I tell him? Key...
inspired by Nina's I love you goodbye..original by celine dion.... just felt like writing something about it.if you want you can listen to it while reading..again this is not good..in terms of writing skills but I how I already improved... angst again..sorry..hope you'll like it..tell if you or if you not....silent readers please comment..don't hate me by not even leaving your footprints...please..and to my friends/readers who never failed to leave their love for me..I love you too...
i'll update my fics this week..resting my body from any work..ready to write again...
- Current Location:school
- Current Music:I love you good by by NINa
“we’re going ma’am..thank you for your hospitality..” Key bowed as he said his goodbye to the old lady.
“it’s my pleasure, son..drive safely..hope you will visit again here..and take care of each other ok..” she said as he looked at Jinki.
“we will..thank you..” Jinki replied as he bowed.
“oh before you go..take these..packed food for the two of you..” the old lady handed the lunchbox to Key.
“kamsahamnida..” Key said as he received the food. “I’ll take this on the car.” Then he walked towards the car.
When Jinki was about to leave, he felt a grip in his arm.
“here..this is yours..” the old lady handed him a brown envelope.
“what’s..?” Jinki received the envelope then looked up to her mother.
“I hide it for a long time hoping you’ll come back..and I guess this is the time to give it to you..take care of yourself..” she smiled.
Jinki was about to open the envelope but was stop when he heard Key calling.
“yeah..coming…” he walked away from the old lady. Once reaching the car, he opened it and before he boarded it he took another glance to his home and lastly to his mother. He smiled and waved his hands as he entered the car and drove away.
“what’s this?” Key asked as he noticed the envelope in Jinki’s lap.
“I’m not sure but..” Jinki was cut when he felt Key grabbing the envelope. “yah..privacy..”
Key frowned as he put the envelope back to his lover’s lap. “thank you..dear..so where do you want to go next?”
“what..? we’re not yet going back to seoul..” Key blurted out.
“it’s..still..early..later we will..but can we still stay..uhmmm..there are more places to see..” Jinki said not even giving Key a look.
“but…but..the graduation..I need to be there…” Key was in the verge of crying.
Jinki looked as he heard the faltered voice f Key.
“yah..hey..don’t cry..we’ll be there..I promise..”Jinki said as he reached to Key. He caressed his face and wipe the tears forming in his eyes. “of course we’ll be there..I know you waited for this..”
“thanks..” Key said as he placed his hands on Jinki’s.
“I’ll just book a flight for us back to seoul..you can roam around the market..there are window shops over there..but don’t go far..ok..” Jinki said.
“araso..” Key smiled as he heard window shops. “I need to buy gifts for my friend..”
Jinki smiled as he watched Key walked away towards the shops. After Key entered a gift shop he walked towards the travel bureau.
“thank you sir..And have a safe trip…” the saleslady smiled. Jinki smiled back and walked out of the bureau. The flight is 6 pm..the flight back to seoul will only take an hour so he was sure that they will arrive in time. Maybe I can’t stop him in attending the concert..but I will do everything to prevent the dream to happen…
After settling himself inside the car, he noticed the envelope on the backseat. He grabbed it and checked its content.
“music sheets..?” Jinki pulled out the papers. “my music sheets..”
He’s interested in music when he was young. Though he lost interest in joining the music club he still love music. And to show his great interest in it, he composed songs. That is his favourite past time. He smiled when he saw he’s old music sheets. His own music.
“Untitled..?” he read in one of the music sheets. The paper has notes and lyrics but doesn’t have any title. The sheet is in mess and there are too many erasures. It is so obvious that the composer is an amateur one.
He smiled as he tried to remember the tune of the song.
“and if..forever’s..not..enough..for me…” he stopped when he felt his phone vibrating.
Key texted: where are you? Come here..I’m short..
He chuckled as he read Key’s message. He got up from his seat to go the shop where he saw Key entered a while ago.
“kamsahamnida..” the saleslady bowed as the two exited the shop.
“what’s this?” Jinki asked showing the paperbag Key handed him.
“it’s for Jonghyun..it’s been long since I the last time I gave him something..” Key smiled.
“so what’s inside?” Jinki asked with curiosity.
“a violin..he really wanted one..I used my savings but I didn’t expect it to worth more than my money..” Key replied.
“he’s a lucky friend..” Jinki said with a tone of jealousy.
“yah..I’m lucky also..” Key said as he lightly pushed Jinki. “oh look..the clothes over there seems unique..” Key ran away even before Jinki protested.
He smiled as he watched Key enjoying the clothes. He headed towards the bench and settled himself in it. He put down the paper bag and his bag beside him. He opened it and smiled as he pulled out the diary. He flipped it on the last page that he read.
He gave me a promise..after our first time..he told me a promise..
His brow furrowed as he tried to remember the promise. He looked away from the diary trying to find an answer. He then closed his eyes as memory of the dream flashed into his mind.
“if I say No..will you still go?”
“Key..please..I beg don’t make it hard for me..you know I don’t want to leave you here..but..”
how about your promise? Two years ago..”
He opened his eyes and looked back to Key’s diary. I hoped he wrote it here. Stupid me.
He told me a promise..He continued reading. He told me that “when the time that we both reaches our dream, I promise you this one thing..I want you to hear this and I want you to remember this..I will marry you..and forever we will be together..nothing can stop me from claiming you mine forever..” and he ended it with a kiss…”
“yah..onew what are doing there?” he startled as he heard Key’s voice from afar. He hurriedly placed the diary in his bag. He then got up in his seat and walked towards Key.
“what are you doing there?” Key asked.
“uhmm nothing..” Jinki smiled but inside he felt guilt. Guilty of forgetting an important promise. Thank you for giving me a chance..now I know..mianhe Key..
“hey..Jinki let’s go inside..” Key said as he pulled jinki inside a shop. The shops looks like an antique shop. They were greeted by an old man.
They bowed to show their greetings. Then they roamed around the shop looking for something that can interest them. After checking an old piano, Jinki looked around only to see Key staring at a glass closet. He walked towards him as curiosity strikes him.
“what are you looking at?” Jinki asked.
“uhmm..sir..can I try this one..?” Key looked at the old man.
“of course son..” the old man replied as he opened the closet and gave Key a small glass box. Key opened it and smiled as he raised the ring up to show Jinki.
“it’s beautiful..Jinki..” Key said with awe.
“yeah it is…do you like it?” Key nodded with a blushed.
“uhmm..sir..How much is this ring?” Jinki asked.
“I’m sorry son..but that ring is not for sale..the truth is I can’t decide how much I will sell it..it’s too precious..” the old man said.
“oh..yeah..it is precious..thank you..” Key tried to smile as he handed the ring back to the old man. Jinki noticed the disappointment in Key’s face.
“let’s go..” Key said as he bowed to the old man.
When Jinki was about to leave he looked back at the glass closet. It’s precious..and Key deserves it.. he then smiled.
“yah..where have you been?” Key asked as he saw Jinki approached him.
“uhmm bought you some drinks..” Jinki handed Key a bottled juice.
“thanks..” Key said as he received it.
“6 pm is our flight..” Jinki said.
“oh..we still have an hour..how about we walk around..how about that park..” Key stood up pulling Jinki with him.
“watch out..” Jinki heard a shout. He turned his gaze at the voice and saw a ball heading them.
“yah..Jinki..” was the last thing he heard as he felt himself being pushed on to the ground.
“we’re sorry..” the children apologized.
“it’s ok..” Key said then the children ran away from the couple. “are you alright?”
“yes..it think so..you pushed me so hard..” Jinki said as he brushed off the dirt in his pants.
“Mianhe..” Key assisted Jinki as they walked towards a bench. “are you sure you’re ok..are you hurt somewhere?”
“uhmm..I think my elbow..” Jinki pointed his elbow.
“aigoo..mianhe..” Key said as he gently caressed the wound.
“maybe the pain will leave if you kiss it..” Jinki suggested.
“yah..no kissing in public..” Key blushed.
“you’re cute..” Jinki pinched one of Key’s cheeks. “I’m fine..”
“OMG..” Key shrieked.
“your watch..it’s broken..” Key pulled Jinki’s arm looking at the broken watch.
“what? I don’t know..maybe..am not sure.” Jinki said seriously glancing back and forth to his papers and to Key.
Key pushed him very hard that make Jinki stumbled (while sitting) and bumped his watch at the car’s door.
“what..why do you do that? Look what you’ve done..my watch” Jinki was surprised by the sudden attack.
He pulled away from Key’s grip making Key confused. No..this can’t be..i thought it will not..my watch..it’s broken like on my dream..
“Onew..Onew..are you ok..? what’s wrong?” Key asked worried.
“this can’t be happening..” Jinki shook his head then buried it on his hands. “it’s happening..”
“what’s happening?” Key asked.
“the dream..the dream it’s happening..” Jinki looked up at Key.
Key hugged Jinki as he saw him crying. This dream is really making Onew cry..I need to know what’s in that dream that make Onew like this…
“let’s go..” Key pulled away.
“No lets stay here..please..Key please can we stay here..” Jinki plead.
“but..but..our flight..my graduation..”
Jinki straighten up and wiped his tears. He can’t be weak now..he can’t..I’ll fight… then he smiled. He doesn’t want key to worry.
“let’s go..don’t mind me..ok..where going back..” jinki pulled Key and placed his lips into Key’s. “I love you..”
“I love you, too..” and Key kissed him again.
- Current Location:car
- Current Mood: cheerful
- Current Music:tshirt
Key was surprised at the same time confuse. Yah..Minho what are doing? He noticed Minho’s face just inches away from him, a light push to Minho can put them into a…kiss. When Minho asked him if he’s ready he felt heat in his cheeks as he smelled and felt Minho’s breathe. Train of thoughts occupied his mind as he felt his heartbeat getting stronger. He can’t think of ways to get out from their current position. this is wrong. So wrong..Minho what are you thinking..? When he noticed Minho smirked, a sexy one, he closes his eyes. Yes, it is the most stupid to do but that is the thing that his mind told him to do. He thought it is best thing to do since he’s not yet ready.
Can’t stop myself from laughing. Why did he close his eyes? Did he think I will kiss him? Yes, I want to kiss him, but not this way. I don’t plan on kissing him now but the way his eyes are close, his pink lips pressed tightly but slightly pouting makes me wanna grab the opportunity. But I know I can’t. I know the consequences if I will.
I leaned more to tease him but when I felt him trembling I decided to pull away.
“yah..what’s with the eyes close?” I teased.
He opened his eyes and sighed. He glared at me like anytime soon he will jump at me and beat me.
“anyway..I just want to ask you if you can accompany me in this party my cousin is organizing for her birthday..I can’t say no to her and I don’t want to go there alone…I already asked Manger-hyung and he gave me permission to go..”
He blinked as he eyed the invitation in my hand.
“so..I think a no is not acceptable since you lose..” I said as I handed him the invitation.
“this is the punishment..?” he asked as he received the card.
“yes..” I replied. I took the cards and arranged it.
“well..I think I can..it’s been a long time since I attended a party…but how about..”
“I already asked manager-hyung if I can take a member with me and he said yes..”
“ok then..I will..” he smiled, the smile that makes me smile too..
“ok..Saturday..don’t overdress ok..it’s just a casual gathering..” I said as I hurriedly climbed down of his bed. I know he’s glaring at me..he’s really cute when he’s annoyed.
‘urgh’ Minho you’re such a..aish..I really thought he’s up to something. Well, maybe I’m just over thinking..or better to say assuming that he will kiss me..
‘yah’..did I really thought that he will kiss..Aigoo..what’s happening to me..I just didn’t think he will kiss me..and no I’m not disappointed..of course not..Minho..Minho for me is just a friend..a brother..yeah..a brother …and a brother didn’t expect his brother to kiss him..
I slumped back to my bed as I tried to push away the thought of Minho and kissing..but as I tried to change the topic in my mind the earlier event with Jinki came back to me..
‘why did he acted like that?’ I closed my eyes as I tried to remember his face..he’s angry with a mix of..mix of.. ‘what is that word..’ mix of..yes..that’s it..’disgust’..
I opened my eyes and meet the ceiling.
I walked out of the room heading to the bathroom to take a short bath when I spotted Jonghyun busy writing on his notebook. It’s been 2 weeks since he started writing on that notebook. He even forbids us on looking or even touching that notebook. I can’t stop myself to be curious with the content of that but since I respect him as a hyung I will not do whatever I have in mind.
“yah..busy again..” I said making him to look up to me.
“uhmm..yeah..” he smiled. “you’re still awake..”
“neh..I’ll just take a small bath before I go to sleep..how about you?”
“not yet sleepy..maybe later..” Jonghyun replied as he turned back his attention to his notebook. I took it as a sign that I need to leave him alone.
“just don’t stay too late..you’ll not grow up” I teasingly told him before I left. I heard a laugh from him. I guess he’s used to that kind of jokes. I remembered when we were just trainees that time he took every joke about his features seriously. I remembered him getting mad to Key who teased him about his height. But then he’s a positive man. He learned to accept it and even turn his weakness to his advantage.
“oh..hyung..taking a bath?” I was brought back from my reminiscing as I felt Taemin’s presence heading to my direction.
“neh..homework..?” I asked as I noticed his notebook.
“neh..Jinki hyung helped me but..” Taemin’s lowered his gaze.
“but what?” I asked.
“well..I don’t think he really helped me..his answer is quite..uhmm..different..” he smiled.
“oh..why not ask Key..or Jonghyun..” I suggested.
“uhmm..I think I must do this on my own..” Taemin smiled.
“our youngest is growing up..” I ruffled his hair and smiled as I saw him blushed.
“yeah..I think I really need to grow up..uhmm..neh..I’ll go now..” he turned away and hurriedly walked towards the living room.
I chuckled as I watched him. yeah he’s growing up still he has this charm that only Magnaes have..I hope he’ll stay like that..
I opened the bathroom and thanked to see the tub full of warm water. I stripped out from my clothes and literally jumped in the tub.
“woah..nice..” I let out a groan as O felt my body relax in the water. I closed my eyes to savour the comfort I can feel now.
Pouting pink lips..closed eyes..ready to be taken..yeah..Key..why are so pretty?..you’re making my life difficult..but at the same time..happy..
“I’m really falling for him..Key..I want you..if only your mine..” I whispered as I dipped myself further to the water.
“hyung..?” Jonghyun snapped back from his thought as he heard the magnae’s voice. he looked at him as he put down his notebook.
“you need anything..?” He asked taking of his glasses.
“uhmm..hyung I think Jinki hyung is not fine..” Taemin said as he seated himself beside Jonghyun.
“what do you mean?” Jonghyun asked with confused tone.
“well..he acted weird since you arrived from your recording..uhmm..I just wanna know if anything happened…
Jonghyun looked at the concern face of the magnae. He leaned back at the couch as he remembered the happenings in the recording that can cause for Jinki’s weird actions.
Hmm..let me see..Ft island was the guest..then questions..hmmm..dancing…drinking coffee..nothing’s really interesting..
“yah..hyung..” he was back to reality when he felt a soft tugged from the youngest.
“oh..sorry..well I can’t remember anything that can upset Jinki..maybe he’s tired..don’t think too much..if he says he’s fine then just believe him..” Jonghyun said as he ruffled Taemin’s hair drawing a light groan from the youngest. Jonghyun chuckled as he found that cute. Of course he’s cute..he’s always cute..
“ok now..time to sleep..it’s so strange that your “umma” is not yet getting you to bed..where is he anyway?” Jonghyun asked as he roamed his gaze.
“I think he’s already sleeping..he didn’t leave the room since you arrived..” Taemin said as he stood up making his way to the bedroom. “good night, hyung.” And he smiled.
Jonghyun smiled back. I’ll never get tired of your smile..if only your mine..but I know you have someone else…your heart is only for him..
Should I apologize..or what..? I buried my face into my hands as I leaned towards the table. I feel guilty of what I said to him. I shouldn’t said that. So stupid me..
I stood up and walked towards the fridge. I opened to find something to quench my hunger. I was roaming the inside with my eyes when it fell into a pink lunchbox. I opened it. chicken balls. These are leftovers from this morning. Key made it..for me..
FLASHBACK form this morning
“I’m hungry..!” Jonghyun seated himself in the dining table. Key glared at him as he stirred the pot with soup.
“what are you making for us, hyung..” it was Taemin..fresh from the bathroom..hair still wet from early showerbath..
“corn soup..I cooked some bacon and eggs..rice on the cooker..eat now or you’ll be late for school..where’s Minho..?” Key asked as he heard his “son’s” question.
“wow..smells good..huh? maybe in the bedroom..he took the bath first..maybe he’s preparing his things..” Taemin said as he walked towards Key who is busy pouring the soup into his bowl.
“yah..only for Taemin..how about me?” Jonghyun asked as he saw Taemin’s bowl full of corn soup.
“cook for self..hyung..!” Key glared the second time that day.
“aw..you’re so mean..” Taemin chuckled as he saw Jonghyun pouting like a puppy.
“hurry up..remember we have a recording later for FBG..where’s Jinki-hyung?” Key asked.
“in the living room..I think he’s not feeling well…” Jonghyun said as he tried to get some from Taemin’s bowl but the Magnae is faster than him that he was able to take it away from his hyung even before Jonghyun was able to make his stealing action
“hyung..?” Jinki opened his eyes as he heard Key’s voice. “are you ok..? Jonghyun said you’re feeling sick..” Key knelt down so he can check Jinki’s temperature.
“I’m fine..I didn’t get enough sleep last night..” Jinki tried to smile but instead he blushed as he felt key’s hands on his forehead then to his cheeks.
“you’re not hot..maybe you just need to eat..c’mon we have schedule remember..” Key said as he stood up grabbing Jinki’s arm.
“I’ll follow..I don’t feel like eating..” Jinki pulled away from Key.
Key snorted as he kneel down again beside Jinki. “c’mon you need to eat so you can regain your strength..I’ll cook anything you want..” Jinki turned to his side so he was now facing Key. He blushed even more when he saw Key smiling at him.
“ok..” Jinki then pushed himself up. Key guided him into the kitchen and helped him as he seated in his chair.
“what do you like to eat?” Key asked as he grabbed his apron and tied it on his waist.
“hmm..” Jinki paused for a while then he remembered the chicken balls they bought yesterday. “I want chicken balls.”
“chicken it is..just wait and relax..” Key smiled as he started to work in the kitchen. Jinki watched him with enthusiasm and smiled as he felt his body gaining strength from the scene.
END OF THE FLASHBACK
I must apologize..I did wrong.. He put the remaining balls in his mouth and smiled as he enjoyed the taste of Key’s cooking. After finishing all the leftovers, he walked pass the living room where Jonghyun is still busy writing in his notebook and smiled when he heard him saying his good night and sweet dreams to him. He then walked towards their shared bedroom and glanced up into Key’s bed. Key’s already sleeping covered with blanket from his toes up to his head. He quietly stepped on his bed to get closer to key. He slowly and carefully put away the part of the blanket that covers Key’s face. With that, Key slightly groaned and shifted to his side facing his back to Jinki. Jinki smiled with the sound Key made. He’s so cute.. He leaned closer bringing his lips closer in to Key’s ear.
“I’m sorry..I didn’t mean what I say..I’m just..” he whispered. “jealous..” He pulled away and smiled. He hoped Key could hear him. He slowly got down to his bed, pulled his blanket and covered himself to sleep. But if only he stayed close to Key a little longer, he could see the smile that creeps in the younger boy’s lips.
- Current Location:car
- Current Mood: content
- Current Music:tshirt
The man jumped out of the car stumbling along as he hurried towards what appeared to be a mid teen. Fumbling as he went, with his inside jacket pocket, the object of his attention slipping through his fingers and skittering across the pavement as he arrived next to the dark, very still, figure.
“Damn it!” he cursed, as his hands scrambled around shakily, desperately trying to retrieve the lost article, eventually managing to pick it up and dial the emergency services. As the dial tone rang out, he noticed another mobile poking out of the boy’s trouser pocket, blinking madly. Not remembering the phone in his other hand was making a very important call; he lifted the other one to his ear and answered. ‘Jinki’ the screen on the front had said.
“Yoboseyo?” the man answered.
“Who are you!?” The one supposedly called Jinki replied, but at the same time the other call was answered.
“City Central Emergency line, how may I help you?”
The man was mildly confused at having two people speak to him.
“There’s been an accident, I need an ambulance.” He managed to reply, his mind slightly more coherent, concentrating on what was important.
“Ok,” spoke the woman on the other end.
“who’s this?” shouted Jinki down the line, the man reeling slightly at the total volume of the outburst.
“Where are you?” Asked the woman. “We are tracing the call, but if you tell us it will speed things up.”
“I, I’m about half way down town, about 100 yards off of city mall...”
“Ah yes we have got you, services will be dispatched as soon as possible, if you need anything else in the mean time, just recall this number….”
With that, the phone went dead, at least that one did. The other one vibrated madly as the obviously forgotten ‘Jinki’ wasn’t too pleased.
“Who are you and what happened?”
“I take it you’re Jinki?”
“Neh, now tell me what’s going on.”
“There’s been an accident, I hit, with my car, I’m sorry.”
“Yes, I heard all that just then, WHO is it you hit and why do you have Key’s mobile phone?”
“Key?” replied the man “One moment please.”
The man sifted through the pockets of the body lying in front of him, stopping and replying when he found an ID.
“It appears, that this person lying here is Kim Kibum.”
The phone went dead.
Jinki had never run so fast in his life, almost sprinting the entire distance. He had prayed what he was hearing on the other end of the line wasn’t true, hoping to heaven it wasn’t Key who had been hit and that his mobile had been the result of a robber. But when he had heard that last line, his mind went blank simply homing in on one thing. Key was hurt; he had to get to him.
Arriving at what was quite the crime scene, Jinki was fairly put out that he’d arrived before the so-called ‘Emergency’ services had. Jinki surveyed the area lightly, while panting heavily, body bent double as he caught his breath, then he saw Key.
Key, by this time, had regained a some appearance of consciousness and was eyeballing everything almost at random, in a state of complete shock, before he suddenly felt a pair of hands close around his squeezing tightly, the owner of said hands kneeling over him.
“Jinki.” He murmured out breathlessly.
“Shhh, don’t speak.”
“How bad is it? Can’t feel my…”
Jinki hadn’t taken the time to actually look at Key’s condition, more concerned with just being there with him, but now that he looked. What the hell was that? And, could legs even bend that way? ‘Oh’ Jinki thought hopelessly his stomach moving for all the wrong reasons, ‘this isn’t good.’
Looking back at Key all he saw was fear and confusion in those perfect eyes. Jinki had contemplated telling him the truth, he’d want to be told the same in this position, but on seeing that look of fear, the helplessness, Jinki couldn’t, his face relaxing into an expression only a select few got to see, pouring warmth out.
“I’ve seen worse.” He lied, but on seeing how Key relaxed, knew it had been the right thing to do.
Just at that moment the paramedics arrived, carrying this, moving that and strapping other things to stretchers, at the same time as setting up what appeared to be a mini intensive care unit, Jinki could hardly see Key for all the equipment.
“Is anyone coming with him?” A uniform shouted out.
Jinki got into the van and they drove off.
Jinki sat, getting up every now and again, pacing around when he couldn’t sit still. What was taking them so long? He’d been in that room, the one with the red sign, saying ‘Emergency’ above its door, for how many hours now? Five? Six? He’d lost count, all of it blurring together into one unorganised mess. He looked at his surroundings finding people looking at his way. Some are whispering and others are taking pictures of him. Of course they will..to see a celebrity in this kind of place is a big news.. he lowered his head trying to ignored the people who recognized him. He was startled when he felt hands on his shoulders. He looked up and saw the youngest wet with tears. He stood up and hugged him. Taemin hugged him back his sobs getting louder. Minho and Jonghyun joined the two both in tears for their friend.
“what is he doing outside in the middle of the night? You’re the leader..Jinki..why did you let him?” the manager cut the scene as he questioned Jinki.
Jinki wiped the tears with the back of his hands. He looked at their manager wishing he can explain but even how hard he tried his voice is stuck in his throat.
“Ok..I’ll just make a call..I’m sure media will arrive soon..and the fans also..just stay here..don’t talk to anyone..I’ll talk to the staffs to not give any information about Key…Jonghyun..you’re in charge..” the manager said leaving the boys.
“hyung..Key will be alright? He’s strong..” Jonghyun said as he wrapped his arms into Jinki’s shoulders.
“you look pale..would you like to eat something..?” one of the nurses asked him. But jinki just ignored him.
People; staff, friends, even people he didn’t know, had all stopped and asked, recommended, he go get something to eat, the cafeteria was only down the way, but every time, they were met with a glare that could only mean one thing. Still Jinki paced, ignoring their advice, he’d gone without nutrition for longer than this, as if he could waste time with eating at a time like this? What if something happened?
After, what seemed like another decade, that little red light above the door went out, Jinki suddenly becoming very nervous, somehow pacing back and forth didn’t seem quite enough.. It was one thing to know Key was in bad shape, but it was something entirely different now he knew the verdict was about to be set. The other three had gone home now, their manager told them to go home but Jinki refused to leave. Jinki together with his manager just hoped it was good news, what was he going to do, if it was bad?
Slowly one of the doors to the operating room opened and an exhausted man walked through, hair still covered up, facemask pooled around his neck. Jinki jumped towards him, the man pausing, it wasn’t protocol to tell anyone anything yet, but recognizing the boy, the now frantic look plastered all over his face, he decided to talk to him.
“Look son,” the surgeon said taking Jinki by the shoulders and sitting him down. “He’s still in very bad shape, it’s a miracle he’s made it this far really, no one had any idea what was holding it all together in there.”
Jinki looked as if he was about to cry, the surgeon not knowing what more to say, just sitting there, thankful for the rest his feet were taking.
“Can.” Jinki started then stopped, choking back something that wouldn’t allow him to speak.
“Can I… can I see him?”
“That’s probably not a good…” Now it was the surgeon’s time to stop, pausing for a moment before continuing.
“He’s important to you that one, isn’t he?”
Jinki looked up a little at a loss.
“Means the world to me.” Was all he replied, his eyes mellowing slightly to the fond memories that were now flitting through his mind.
The surgeon smiled.
“Okay then, just this once, but officially this isn’t allowed …”
Jinki brightened, the pair getting up and moving inside the operating theatre, stopping a few metres away from the bed Key was lay in.
“Now, due to the nature of his injuries, a general anaesthetic couldn’t be used, the risk was too high, so fortunately, or unfortunately he is still awake, heavily sedated, but still awake. This means you can talk to him, but be warned, going through what he did without being out cold would have been incredibly stressful, so just be careful ok? Don’t get into any kind of arguments.”
“Ok.” Jinki whispered out.
“Now I shall leave you to it, I need to get some rest.”
Almost painfully Jinki moved towards Key’s bed, the realisation of what was waiting for him when he got there, making his feet almost stick to the floor. Why was this so hard? He’d been waiting for god knows how many hours out there, then when confronted with what he truly wanted, he could barely move a muscle.
“Jinki?” a few stray puffs of sound appeared, barely audible, but coming across rather agitated.
Whatever the reason behind his reluctance to move suddenly didn’t matter as he found himself besides Key’s bed, automatically clutching a pale hand, holding into it tightly.
“I’m here,” Jinki soothed, rubbing small circles into Ishida’s palm as he spoke.
“Come closer.”Key urged. “Cant, s”
“Shh, you don’t have to speak.” Jinki interrupted, moving himself closer to his lovers face.
“Needed to see you one last time...” Key tried to smile.
“What you worrying for? I’m not going anywhere.” Jinki also tried to give back the smile.
“Hold me?” Key requested.
“How do you suppose I am to do that?”
Key shuffled his hand a little indicating he wanted Jinki to let go. After his hand was released Key tapped the bed next to him, showing he wanted Jinki to get in.
“What? Are you crazy? With all those.. those things and wires and tubes connected to you? I can’t get in and risk pulling those out.”
“Please” Key pleaded.
Jinki melted. Then set to work, first removing his outer clothing giving him greater dexterity, and winding his way about the machines, finally coming to rest, lay behind Key, the dark haired boy lying at a slight angle, resting against Jinki’s body.
“There.” Jinki sighed in relief at not having upset any of the tubes. “Happy now?”
“Mmm, thank you.”
Jinki wrapped his arms slowly around the boy half on top of him, gently drawing circles on Key’s arms with his fingers. The pair stayed that way for a few hours, both mumbling odd things to one another, nothing really making any sense, just little noises every now and again to check the other hadn’t disappeared, both dipping in and out of consciousness almost willing themselves not to sleep. Eventually Jinki noticed his boyfriend’s noises had stopped, realising he had given in and fallen asleep, Jinki smiled and placed a gentle kiss to the back of his neck humming into the skin.
“I love you Key,” he said.
“I know I haven’t told you this very often, perhaps three times, hmm maybe two times, ok then, just that one time, that day, when I suddenly blurted it out, after that prank with the you leaving Shinee… how can you? I was scared really.. But I do, I love you, everything about you, the way you move, the way you smell, the way you smile, hmmm especially the way you feel.” Jinki tightening his hold on the smaller boy before him, as if to confirm what he had just said, but on doing so realised that the light figure he held, clasped between his arms, had become absolutely still.
“Key..baby” he barely even spoke, pressing his ear against the others chest, where he was met with nothing but silence.
Slowly Jinki moved back, fingers combing through Key’s hair, his body starting to shake as the tears silently began to fall. The drops impatiently crashing down his face, too stubborn to run the entire length, their path ending as they hit cheekbones. Where the droplets fell, gently caressing pale skin beneath, allowing the younger’s pallid features to glisten one final time, the crystal liquid causing his face to shimmer before coming to rest on the sheets of the hospital bed.
Early the next morning they were found, Jinki having re-entwined himself with Key, his arms wrapped all too tightly around the slight chest.
“Come on now.” One of them had said. “Time to get up.”
But on getting closer had discovered that both bodies were cool to the touch, the death of Key had really come as no surprise, the first 24 hours after surgery were critical and his condition was already worse than worse could possibly be. But Jinki? This was totally unexpected; the autopsy had revealed nothing wrong, the only thing anyone could guess at, no matter how ridiculous, was that he had died from a broken heart.
OK I KNOW MUSHY CRAP AT THE END BUT I COULDN’T HELP IT.sorry I promise to write happy onkey fics but can't help myself..but I regret it now after watching sbs gayo daejun..hahaha..key is such a diva..MUZIK is the best perf..ahaha..and I see Jinki enjoying it too from the audience...ahaha..love it..
- Current Location:room
- Current Mood: bored
- Current Music:the name I loved
Too much time had ticked away since their last meeting. So far, they'd spent the day just resting in the couch, lazing the day away. Few words passed between them; few were needed to express their deeper understanding.
When the words had come, here and there, they'd been used for catching up and bringing up old memories, some almost forgotten. The memories had begun to fade, but were immediately restored with the shared words.
It almost seemed that the simple beauty of the day had taken form in everything around them, filling their senses with a strange calm neither had felt in years. The type of calm that made a person yearns to just stay in that moment forever, never to pass on to the next.
Jinki's clumsy hand reached out and brushed a few black strands from Key's deep eyes. "You don't know how I've missed you..." he commented in a soft voice. His voice was strong, but rose barely above a whisper.
"Mm... I think I do..." came a relaxed response. A soft breeze washed over from the window, carrying a warm lavender odor. Normally, the heat would have bothered both, but this subtle breeze seemed to cool each one of their senses.
Calmly and gently, Key moved to straddle Jinki. The younger man now wore a comforting smile. "Now... I think I have to congratulate you on your debuting..as a solo artist" A small pause passed between the two when Key looked slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry I never made it..."
Jinki shook his head softly. "Don't be. This is a whole hell of a lot better than that. Plus, we're alone... and I get you to myself…so hard to get an appointment from your manager" With tender affection, he let his fingers trail up Key's back.
Key felt a sigh pass from his lips and a shudder run through his body before he spoke. "I think it's supposed to be the other way around, pabo. I get you all to me...and you’re the one who’s busy here" Key leaned forward, resting his arms on Jinki's chest and bringing his lips to rest on the other man's chin.
"I missed this," Jinki noted as he hand his pressed against Key's cheek. "I miss it all..." he continued in a hushed tone, trying not to break the content mood that settled. He leaned up and pressed his lips to Key's ear. "Can't you stay longer than until tomorrow?..you know the last time that we stayed together was three months ago..that was before you moved to the dorm the company gave you …after that we only see each other if lucky every other night..and when not every Saturday night only.." he inquired.
A shiver ran through the younger one's body with a hint of a groan. "Nn… I wish I could. They're expecting me back before the day's up today…I have schedule tomorrow night..but I think I can break a bit of a rule for you… just this once."
Key's fingers laced into the top part of Jinki's tie, tugging playfully and gently on it, wanting to remove at least one bit of fabric from the man. The material loosened after some work and was pulled from the man's neck.
"Ne… have you gotten any projects?..like an acting role or a comeback concert" he inquired as his fingers played delicately with the tie he now held.
Nodding softly, Jinki confirmed he had. "Yeah, I've got an offer in a TV series…well..I’m excited since I’ll be working with Minho..but" he paused, trying to find his words. "I'd be taken even further away from you. Plus, I'd be busy all the time, so, I wouldn't often get to visit you. Plus, with your… job… you can't hardly visit me often, either."
Key's eyes were fixed on the fabric, not the man. He didn't really want to think about how close they've become again and yet… how far away they would be again. Jinki would be even further if he took up the offer.
"But… I'm not going to take it." With these words, Key's eyes snapped to Jinki’s face inquiringly. He didn't know what to say. Wasn't this supposed to be Jinki's dream? "I… don't care about the money…or the fame..or whatever it may offer to my career"
Now, there was complete shock registering in the younger’s features. "You always said you did… before….you told us way back to our Shinee days that you want to explore more what you can do as an artist... I thought you want to earn money for yourself and for your family..and I thought…" but his words were cut off as Jinki brought a hushing finger to Key’s lips.
"I want to be an artist. I want to enhance my talent. All I need is money to give my family better life. I want to show that I can do things others thought I can’t ..all I want is to prove myself to everyone…" Now he looked down at the tie that was in Key's hands, feeling rather embarrassed. True, he'd always felt this, but he never said it to anyone.
Jinki cleared his throat. "True, that's my reasons, but… there's something else stopping me. Something more important."
"Huh?" seemed to be all that registered in Key's mind right now. Of course, that made him feel like an idiot, but in the current situation, that was minor.
Of course, Jinki had to chuckle at this. His head shook a bit and he placed his hand under Key's chin, watching him closely. "You. It will always be you. Many nights I found myself distracted from my training… just thinking. Thinking of the only person who had gotten inside of me, the only person that truly knows me."
The boy blinked a few times, not really certain what to say. He'd never stopped to think about how far he would be with Jinki because of his work, but that seemed to be all that Jinki truly cared about. Not just his friends, also, it was all about him.
"You were always the one I wanted to push away and yet, I couldn't help it, you became a part of me." Each word was muffled, quiet. Each seemed to hold a piece of his soul with them.
"Now, that I entered a more complicated part of my career, I know I will be busy..time for us will be shortened but I promise you that I will fulfill the vow I made to myself. I vowed I would …would take care of you.. I know you're stronger than me…I would love you in the best of my ability…though others will be against us.. but… that doesn't matter… I still want to be able to protect you…and if loving you oblige me on giving up my career… I am ready to give it up..I will.. just to be with you..just to show you how much I love you… "
Key found himself trying to hold back tears, not wanting to feel so weak. He couldn't break down, not now. "I know… I know..and I will do the same… I’m ready to leave everything I have just to be with you...you helped me to stand on my own …to live again after the group broke up..you made me see that things like this really happen..that time will come that we need to find our own paths..i never thought I could survive it..”
Jinki simply shook his head. "You did it yourself. You were always strong enough on your own. Sometimes, you just need a reason to wake up and get out of bed. and my reason is always you."
"…Heh. Your devotion is something that confuses me. I've pushed you away so many times, but you always seem to make it back. You always seem to break through that extra layer I've placed around my soul."
"The things you do for love."
- Current Location:room
- Current Mood: rejuvenated
It’s been raining for five days, with little to no breaks in between. Not that I mind, rain is a necessary part of weather…but five days? Perhaps the Gods are weeping. But nothing tragic has happened; we are a prosperous nation, Jinki is …
I blush at my boyish thoughts. The Gods would not weep so much for one person-but then, Jinki is no ordinary person. And if I were a God, I would weep for him. Is this strange? Even if it is, I’ve found that I really can’t help these thoughts. As Jinki and I have gone through these years of adolescence, we have not only grown up together, but we have also grown together, if that makes sense. Our relationship has moulded and intertwined so that I do not believe I can even imagine a life without him and, hopefully, he feels the same about me.
Lately, though, I feel rather restless when I am around him. It really is bothersome, for whom can I feel comfortable around if not my closest companion? But the thing that annoys me most is…I don’t know why I feel this way. It’s as if I want more; a void that has yet to be filled is inside me. I have even felt sexually frustrated in his presence. It’s an extremely trying emotion, and I am anxious to discover a name for it. So I recently decided that until I do I should discreetly avoid being with Jinki when I can.
But I’ve noticed changes in him, too. He recently had his twenty first birthday. Ever since that day Jinki has behaved…oddly. Not unkindly, but at times he will part his lips as though to speak and then shut them and I wonder what he has been holding back. Or other times when he will put a friendly arm around me but, for some reason, decide against it and pull away. As if he’s remembering his place. This is amusing because I have never scolded him for such contact. Why should I? We know more about each other than any other ever will.
Maybe his mother is part of it, or his father? There are a number of people with influence in Alexander’s life. Minho,his personal adviser, Taemin, his little brother, Jonghyun, his trainer ...or me. Me. Kibum. Perhaps Jinki’s behaviour towards me is, in fact, because of me.
A quiet panic starts within me. I have done nothing wrong that I know of. But what if I have unknowingly offended him? Is that
what he has been holding back? To tell me what I have done? Or something I have not done? Oh, Gods, how could I not have seen this coming? How could they allow me to see and yet be so blind?
Before I can delve into this further, the door to my room opens and, of course, he walks in. He smiles, and the rain momentarily disappears.
“Enjoying the weather, Key’?” And the rain is back again.
I look at him from my bed, where I’ve been lounging on my back.
“Of course, I always enjoy hours of boredom in my room. Didn’t you know that?”
He grins and tilts his head. I shall never tire of this habit.
“Would you mind if I joined you? Perhaps together we may conquer this boredom.”
I sigh dramatically. “Who am I to say no to his majesty?”
He says nothing and lies on his back to my right. The rain is particularly fierce tonight, and for a while we share silence, merely listening to the sounds of thunder and droplets hitting the ground. It is something friends do. There is nothing scandalous about it. I should be content. But I am not.
I suddenly register the sound of his breathing. When he first came in, I am almost sure he was taking steady breaths at a steady tempo, but it has somehow since then become more random. Shakier, as though he was anxious. What has he to be anxious about?
I want to turn my head to look at him, but then he would turn his to look back at me. Then I would feel obligated to say something for gaining his attention. And what would I say? ‘I noticed that you seem rather nervous…not because I’m listening to your breath or anything…’ Yes, I’m sure that would go over well.
“My parents are worried that I will not produce an heir.”
That was unexpected. He doesn’t look at me, so I keep my eyes fixed on the ceiling as well.
“Why is that? You are not even king.” I know in my mind before the words are even out that they will offend him.
I turn my head and look at him; he does the same. His expression is one of surprise; his eyes reveal being hurt. I was right in my assumption. A quiet panic consumes me again and I quickly make to correct my error.
“Please forgive me, your majesty, I merely meant that you are not yet king and should therefore not have to worry about such matters - I should have chosen my words more carefully-“
He has put a finger to my lips. The look of hurt is gone from his eyes and he smirks.
“It is alright, Key, calm yourself. Even if you had meant something else, you are always one of the few I allow to speak freely on everything…and did I told you not to call me your majesty..your my bestfriend”
Even though he has finished speaking, his hand remains where it is. I say nothing, if only because I am physically kept from doing so. Then his hand moves. His fingers go to slide across my cheek from my mouth to my jaw line, a thumb from my chin to my lips where it lightly brushes across and continues to…caress there? I suppose that is the only satisfactory way of describing it.
As this was happening Jinki’s smirk disappeared. In his eyes there was a new gleam, one I’d never seen from him. It’d never been directed at me, at least.
I had stayed silent, not thinking to question him, only questioning myself. His thumb stops; his hand falls away as realization seems to hit him. Whatever magic was brewing, I just killed it. I want to ask him why he did that, why he stopped when he did, but the more pressing thought is that I wish he hadn’t stopped. This almost scares me.
Jinki looks scared too, perhaps scared of my reaction. So I make it simple for both of us.
“Why are your parents concerned?”
He appears confused, then remembers what we were talking of before and chuckles. It sounds forced, but I make no comment because I force a grin in reply. He looks toward the ceiling again, but I make no such effort. If he is uncomfortable with this he holds his tongue.
“Oh yes, an heir…” He trails off, his eyes unfocused. I wait maybe a minute before making him remember that I am here.
“your ma..I mean Jinki.”
“They know I do not need one yet, but nevertheless I will in time.” He continues as if our conversation was never broken. In my head I am smiling.
“Then what is the problem?”
“They feel…that I have no desire.” He seems to be having a difficult time choosing his words, let alone talking about this, and for this reason alone I do not laugh at the statement.
“…No desire?” I could not help it. My voice cracked. And as soon as it did, the uncontrollable laughter started. Jinki turned his head to glare, which only made it worse, so I brought up my hand to cover my mouth but it really did no good. I was long gone.
I don’t even know why it was so funny. The future king Jinki without desire? That would be like his mother without the gems and diamonds in her bed, his father without the title of ‘King’, me with a fighting sword- it simply didn’t make sense. Then there were all of the unknown emotions swimming inside me, and with the tension thrown in between the two of us, I think I needed an outlet for it all. I needed one badly, and laughing is probably the safest way for it.
By the time laughter had finally subsided to the occasional giggle, my stomach muscles ached terribly.
I look at him. “My stomach hurts.” I didn’t mean to sound like a child about it, but I must have, because he finally allows himself to laugh too. It lasts only a few moments, but it is at least sincere.
He looks at me again and grins. “I’m sure it does.”
I grin back. Laughter often leaves one feeling giddy.
“So the prince has no desire in his parents’ eyes?”
Jinki bites his lip. “It’s not that they think I have none, it’s just that they feel it is for the wrong people.”
“The wrong people?”
“Yes, the wrong people meaning…those of the same gender.”
My mouth is dry. “Oh?”
He nods, blushing deeply. “My father has not said anything this specific, but my mother accuses me of being in love…with you.”
He turns to rest on his side now, still facing me, but I find myself to be paralyzed. He goes on.
“I have spent the past few weeks wondering if she was or was not correct.”
He leans over me slightly. I swallow. I’m fairly certain my heart is beating loudly enough for him to hear it.
“And what did you conclude?”
Jinki’s gaze is so intense, so piercing. I lick my lips in anticipation. His hand comes up and under my head to run fingers through my hair, and I pray that I can keep my trembling to a minimum.
“I found that I am. Very much so. And now there is only one more question that has plagued me.”
I already know what he’s going to say.
“Do you love me nearly as much as I do you?”
And I had already known my answer.
“Even more so.”
His lips are upon mine so quickly that at first I did not notice how tight his grip on my hair had become. I could think only of the warm and wondrous sensation that kissing was able to give me. Or perhaps it was only because the kiss came from Jinki.
Things moved quickly from there. I hardly even remember getting rid of our tunics, just roaming hands, body heat, showered kisses, approving moans…and, of course, desire…
I was on top of him when he said it, kissing his neck. We’d constantly been experimenting with what felt good to both of us, and I was currently doing so by fondling him. A pull here, a squeeze there, when I suddenly hear him whisper heatedly in my ear.
“Oh gods, Key, just take me…”
And I paused here. I’m not sure why, but for some reason I had just assumed that it would be him taking me, not the other way around. Jinki senses my discomfort and takes hold of my chin, pulling up gently so that I might come face to face with him. He then cups my face in his hands and slowly plants tender kisses on it. As he does this he whispers to me.
“I want to be taken by you, my beautiful Key…I want it to be known, if only between the two of us…that I was yours even before you were mine…do you understand?”
He looks up at me, waiting for a response. Even with him lying down,Jinki has managed to tilt his head to the side again, and after a moment I do understand why he wants this. There will always be people in his world, including his bed. There may be more than I feel willing to share him with, but it is a fact that simply cannot be ignored. But before all of it happens, before Jinki has the chance to submit to another, he wishes to first submit to me. He will always be mine. The gesture means a lot coming from him, and I soon find myself smiling.
“Yes, I understand, Jinki, of course I do…”
He sighs, returning a small smile, almost as if in contemplation.
“I have always loved you, Key, I just didn’t realize it.” He pauses to sigh, “How could I have not realized…? I love you so much…”
I brush a few strands of hair from his face. “And I love you, my prince.”
I reach for the stand next to the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I was going to get-“
He shakes his head in disapproval. Then after reaching for my arm and bringing it back he runs his hands over my arms, up and
down in smooth motions.
“I don’t want any preparation, Key, I only want you. I want you now.”
I know it’s simply the authority he’s been raised to give, but it was more or less a command. Either way, command or request, it was one that I gladly gave in to.
It is morning, but still very early; the sun is only beginning to peak in the distance. I sit up cross legged, facing the windows. It’s hard to keep my mind from replaying recent events over and over. Love. Who knew it would be my unknown emotion? I love Jinki, and he loves me. How strange a thought, but he is right. I have always loved him.
I hear Jinki fumble a few moments before he settles behind me. He sits with his legs on either side of me, his knees up, and wraps his arms around my shoulders. I feel his chin rest on my right shoulder and his warm breath on my neck as he speaks.
“It is too early, Key…What are you doing?” He sounds incredibly sleepy. I smile.
“I was simply contemplating.”
“I don’t remember; you interrupted my thoughts.”
He chuckles and lowers his head so his forehead rests against my shoulder.
It is extremely quiet, more so than usual. Minutes later, I figure out why.
“It has stopped raining.”
“So it has.”
“You do not sound glad.”
He yawns. “I will be glad when I am once again asleep with you in my arms.”
“…Then I shan’t keep you waiting.”
I allow him to bring me with him under the covers, and as he embraces me I feel a sudden calmness. I feel complete; the void has been filled. Jinki and I were made from two halves. Where he goes, I will follow. Where he stays, I will never stray. Although his father may rule over this land, it is Jinki who rules over my heart, and whatever he asks of me, I will do without hesitation. For how could I refuse the man I love? I smile, feeling myself drift farther into sleep. Who am I to say no to my king?
- Current Location:hotel room
- Current Mood: thankful
- Current Music:jojo